Winter is a around the corner, and my neighbor and I are due to square off in our annual Genitalia Challenge. 3 day event.
Day 1
Ice Cube Game: Make sure the penis is regular temperature (96-100 degrees F) and is of regular condition. Place the ice cube on the tip of the penis. If done correctly, the cube will stick to the penis causing loss of all erectile sensation. Can only be removed via warm water, or meltation (new word?).
Last cube hanging wins.
Day 2
Ring Burn: Put a small cooking-pot either on the stove or in oven. Let it heat for 20-30 minutes or until it reaches 380+ degrees F. Remove the pot and place on a stable chair. Remove cloths and sit on the pot for 15-20 seconds. If done correctly a ring of burnt skin will form on your ass preventing you from sitting normally for 5-7 days.
Reddest/bloodiest ring wins.
Day 3
Ball Roll: Pull penis back toward stomach and tape it securely to lower abdomen. If done correctly testicles are fully exposed. On a slanted road (ideally a road of smooth surface) place 12 obstacles on road. The obstacles (or obtesticles if you will) should be roughly 4 feet in length so that the testicles will come in contact, and spread at least 8 feet apart (96 foot track). As you roll down the hill with your skates (or skis if in a snowy region) spread your legs wide so that the testicles have a clear path and are able to hit the obstacles fully. By the 12th obstacle you will be traveling fairly fast and the contact will be vary forceful. Hill slope must be at least 28 degree grade.
Fastest time to complete 12 obstacles wins.