[surfdoc]

I have a pretty good deal of experience in this department and it sounds like a similar situation to where I was a few years ago. I think some people underestimate how hard it is to convince people that what we do isn't the same type of gambling as the gambling that was done by their uncle Charlie who lost the family retirement at some sleezy casino in Reno one week. I think those saying that is a measure of you girl's intelligence are dead wrong. That has nothing to do with it. As far as what you want to tell her, it really does depend on what your goals are in life and with her.

If you are going to keep a full time job and only play poker on the side as a hobby for extra income and entertainment then I don't really think it matters if you tell her about the daily swings as long as you are a winning player. If you have a seperate roll and this money has nothing to do with her or the monthly expenses then it will be fine. For a while I just cut my win/loss by one zero and reported that number and it worked just fine. In fact, I still don't see any need to report the huge losses. It accomplishes very little. In fact, I think it is better to train them not to even ask when you come home from a session. It actually works out well. Sometimes I don't even know myself which is awesome and akin to playing online with a tilt blocker. I just think it is unhealthy and unwise to update the sig other on a a daily basis. They aren't trained the way we are to handle the emotional swings associated with daily variance. I still only update my wife on a monthly basis. This is basically inevitable since I have to have some justification for ramping down my hours at the regular job and buying all kinds of stuff with winnings will really be the only possible way that I can keep playing a lot.

However, there are many caveats. How you spend your time after a 9-5 day will become a big issue. If you head to the casino 4 nights a week this is going to start wearing her down, especially if there are kids. Therefore, if you plan to play a lot of poker, or use it as a primary source of income, you will need to tell her why you are going there so often and share your results. For a while I was only playing on my own time and it gets pretty easy for them to lock you down if you are just playing for fun. This is even more true after kids arrive. If you can show that the income has a positive impact on your life then the pain or annoyance of you being gone will start to melt away and if you are really lucky you may get encouraged to go play. This is seemingly pretty rare even with my friends who are full time pros.

My advice is to take this slow. You are mostly hearing advice from the younger crowd who are pushing the "come clean" line. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not advocating lying to her directly. I just think that drawing a line in the sand before she is ready is a good way to wreck a relationship. In general, most of us have a good deal of issues. The women are certainly no different. Just give it some time to develop and understand that it will come with patience. Good luck.