[BowToYourSensei]

playing the 50k today. was card-dead and shortstacked for the last 40 minutes into the bubble and about 20 minutes after. still, i grind my chips into a respectable 36k going into the 3rd break (above avg). my net goes down. well [censored]. i call up a friend and i ask him to login and play for me. he says ok. i ask him to read the hands for me, and apparently he didn't hear that and did this for me instead:

*********** # 2 **************
PokerStars Game #12923821955: Tournament #65237701, $50+$5 Hold'em No
Limit - Level XIII (800/1600) - 2007/10/29 - 18:19:53 (ET)
Table '65237701 127' 9-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: Henry XIV (21645 in chips)
Seat 2: SplitPotz80 (13146 in chips)
Seat 3: lucasino (35756 in chips)
Seat 4: chiptrix2000 (16762 in chips)
Seat 5: murphy172 (41065 in chips)
Seat 6: frankzan (51316 in chips)
Seat 7: elusiveq (34144 in chips)
Seat 8: ifoundnemo23 (36931 in chips)
Seat 9: debbiwon (21816 in chips)
Henry XIV: posts the ante 150
SplitPotz80: posts the ante 150
lucasino: posts the ante 150
chiptrix2000: posts the ante 150
murphy172: posts the ante 150
frankzan: posts the ante 150
elusiveq: posts the ante 150
ifoundnemo23: posts the ante 150
debbiwon: posts the ante 150
SplitPotz80: posts small blind 800
lucasino: posts big blind 1600
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ifoundnemo23 [Jd Ad]
chiptrix2000: folds
murphy172: folds
frankzan said, "just that u owe him"
frankzan: folds
chiptrix2000 said, "ok"
elusiveq: raises 1600 to 3200
ifoundnemo23: calls 3200
debbiwon: folds
Henry XIV: folds
SplitPotz80: folds
lucasino: calls 1600
*** FLOP *** [9h 2c 6c]
lucasino: bets 4800
elusiveq: folds
ifoundnemo23: raises 10200 to 15000
lucasino: raises 17406 to 32406 and is all-in
ifoundnemo23: calls 17406
frankzan said, "guess u better not bet if u aint got the dope"
*** TURN *** [9h 2c 6c] [9s]
*** RIVER *** [9h 2c 6c 9s] [Jc]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
lucasino: shows [9d 6h] (a full house, Nines full of Sixes)
ifoundnemo23: shows [Jd Ad] (two pair, Jacks and Nines)
lucasino collected 76562 from pot

i don't care how bad you people think i am at poker, not even i'm capable of this.

ADIOHASGHOISGHIOSHOIGOISHDGHIOSDIHOGSIHOGhioSDGHIO SIHOGSHIOG

someone burns for this

EDIT: he called me and told me he busted. i wanted to know how. he didn't tell me. i e-mailed the hand history, and the moment i saw this hand i broke my sand wedge.

variance: sand wedge was a prop i bought from a goodwill store for a skit

EDIT #2: in before "oops"