[GimmickLife]

So this is a gimmick account, I'd hate for anyone I know to search and read this, please keep it that way. If anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. If you want to bash me go ahead I wasn't expecting any more.

I went to uni for 3 years, hated each year, wanted to quit every year but my parents talked me into statying. I passed, got a good degree. Nearly a year on, with a $25,000 debt and looking back it wasn't worth it. I wasn't happy, nor was it fun, no where near the time of my life in any way. I did have a long term relationship during uni, from year 1 until year 3. She dumped me when I graduated because she wanted to [censored] other men (she was in her 2nd year and apparently couldn't hold out any more). I never even kissed a single girl at uni. I truly loved her.

Then my parents decided to get divorced. This was bad, I didn't show any emotion but it got to me more than people made it out to. My sister practically broke down and is on medication for depression ever since.

Then that girl I loved, she broke down. She got sectioned (literally dragged out of uni screaming smashing things up and held in a hospital for 2 weeks under psychological care) and I was pretty much the only friend that ever went to go and see her at hospital. I felt let down by all my other friends, I don't understand why no one made any effort at all to see her. I persuaded one of her friends to visit with me, and all the time we were there for the 2 hour max stay she kept telling me she was bored and wanted to go home. Anyway, I got attached again to her atm so am trying hard to keep a distance at the moment.

I had to get a job, funnily even with a decent degree in an industry with apparently a choking lack of employees cant find space for me. I applied for lots of web design jobs, I have a great portfolio, when I was 16 I set up my 1st business and was subcontracted by toyota to work on their F1 site, I wrote a university website, I set up my own business in 1st year of uni, made a lot of money, and sold it off to a company in london. Then I was a moron because I didn't understand the value of money, I blew it all. All the money I earnt as it was running I spent on going out, eating out nice places, buying expensive gifts for people, taking my family out all the time. When I sold it all the money I made I spent on a hi fi, which is fantastic, but regretable tbh. Anyway so I needed a job, and the only one i could land was in a call centre. It was depressing. Really depressing. I managed 3 weeks then I walked out because I physically could not do it anymore. I feel like an idiot because there are people worse of in the world who do worse jobs, and i was weak for giving in but it was a god awful job.

So i found another job, better paid, outdoors, driving around helping people, 2 month contract. It was good. Turn up and the job description has changed. It's now data entry. No one there is my age. Theres thousands of letters to open with the same data and enter it in. That's the next 2 months of my life. "You cant quit the job, it will lead on to better things! they will give you a good reference!" It's on par with the call centre I don't understand why I have to be working jobs like this.

Poker wise, I had a BR and played full time for 3 months after uni finished. Was doing about 3-6k hands a dayish. I was on nl25 and was making OK money, moved up to NL50 and made very good money (for me anyway). Then I had to cashout the whole thing to go on a volounteer holiday for 6 weeks (which was great). But now no poker BR. My best friend lent me £500 to stake me for a 50/50 cut, I lost half of it, got coaching, then won the losses back. I'd forgotten a lot of what I learnt playing in the gap I was off. Anyway, at the end back on NL50 I was again making good money, but the misery of losing 1/2 my br was too much of a scare for me with my friends money so I gave it all back. I want to save up for a new BR with my money in the future. He is a very good friend, no one else would lend me the money for poker, he isnt well off and lent it to me. Especially in the world you all understand of gambling with other peoples money being a taboo, he is incredibly understanding, trustworthy and has faith in my abilities.

I always entered the staking threads for the big tournaments each week, and was dissapointed every time I got pushed aside. I even worked for someone for an hour in return for a staking, which happened to be the week the staker was banned so he wouldnt stake me. Only another hour of my life wasted. So I decided to go for it myself, and entered a $11 qualifier. I came first, entered the huge tourny and was playing a superb game. I was playing a lot better than most people on my table. Half the field eliminated, 20% over the chip average I went all in with 88 ontb. I put my opponent on a small PP, he had one and called with 77. Great, an 80% chance to double up here and be well on my way to the money, but o/c he sucked out. It's no big deal but incredibly frustrating that I had worked so hard to get to that point and go out in a way like that.

Anyway, theres nothing in life to look forwards too at the moment, at all. Any money I get now I spend on drink and drink on my own in the evenings. I don't get ridicuously drunk, I just like being tipsy. I can't play poker any more because I'm not willing to let my best friend down like I very nearly did. I can save up for a new BR if I stick out my job which I will do. Life is mundane, and I'm not sure how to break from that mundanity.

When we are young we are promised good careers, the time of our lives at uni, you can run your own sucesfull business, be a pro sportsman, get married and be happy. The average number of girls slept with at 20 is 6 apparently, I've had 1 and im older than 20. Then you get older and you are lonely, in a awful job and with nothing to look forward to.

This is emo I know, but I need to vent somewhere. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone IRL I know about everything I've been going through.

tl;dr but thanks if anyone can give any life experience advice