[cakewalk]

Hokay so

I start the night off with 3 goals:

1. don’t throw up
2. remember most of the night
3. make out with girl

Who’s keeping count oh well here we go.

The night starts off with me smashing FD hotlando style in a game of Beirut. He begs for a rematch and takes it the next two or three games, I can’t remember. 6 or 7 beers later and we’re off to the bar. I’ve not taken five steps into the bar when a shot of crown is shoved in my face and seconds later, down my throat. I spend the next five minutes trying to breathe and not throw up.

At this point I’m drunk.

My friend tells me I’m going to take a beer funnel. Ok whatever, no liquor in it you [censored].

Barkeep fills the funnel up with beer. Next, proceeds to pour god only knows how much liquor in it. I’m sitting there with my mouth open wondering when they’re going to stop pouring the liquor. Before they hand it to me they fill the drinking end with hot sauce. Oh boy. My friend starts a chant and soon most of the bar is chanting my name. If anyone has ever been in this situation and didn’t do whatever borderline ridiculous thing the angry mob wanted you to do, then you’re a bigger and better person than me.

There’s no telling how much liquor was in the funnel. There were 8 or 9 bottles turned upside down for a good 30 seconds. In 2 gulps I’ve downed the monstrosity and the countdown to complete meltdown begins.

Barkeep tosses me a bucket to puke, and I flick it away and walk off towards the bathroom. I’m standing there thinking to myself I can hold it down and everything’s going to be alright. Ten minutes pass and I’m still puke free. I go to meet my friend at the door and wait for her while she’s getting banded. We walk back over to our friends and that’s when the silliness begins.

I grab my friend’s headband and put it on another one of my friends.

Fast forward to the next time I’m conscious....6hours later

I wake up with an IV strapped to my arm in the middle of the ER. God. [censored]. Dammit.

I get out of bed and start talking to the nurses. Apparently I had been swearing a lot when they brought me in. Something along the lines of, “[censored] off you stupid [censored] you’re not sticking anything In my arm.” They were good sports about it at least. A $30 cab ride later and I’m back at my apt wondering what the [censored].

I spent the rest of my day trying to find out what happened.