[grando]

well it looks like you guys like these - here comes Tuesday:

So we get up Tuesday morning, and don't have any plans except for supper at 8:30. So I toss on my clothes (I'll shower later) while my g/f showers and stuff for an hour. Hm sleeping longer would have been nice - a crown and coke at 11 am would be nice too. Ah well let's watch some Cosby show while I wait - that crazy Dr. Huxtable, he says whatever he wants whenever he wants. Go Jello pudding pops!

After Theo finds out he has dyslexia, we head out. Today we're going north, towards the Venetian. Unfortunately, that means that we have to walk past Casino Royale and O'Sheas. OMG BLACKJACK SWITCH WE HAVE TO STOP!

A little background - On Bet365 I played BJ switch to do the bonus and was up 1100 bucks plus the bonus. This might be my favourite game of all time. ONWARD HO!

So we get in and I sit at this table that looks like seagulls live on it, and drop 3 bills. Man is this place rubby! But the 2+2 wannabe theme song is going off in my head thinking of mad $$$$$$$$$.

First hand (15 bucks on each) I get AAAAAAAAAAH ACE ACE! WOWOWOWOWOWO this is pretty sweet! But more remarkable I get WHOAZ ANOTHER 2 ACES! SPLIT EM UP I say. Guess what's up next? Yeah another ace [censored]. That'd only be worth tens of thousands of dollars at my casino at home. Moral of trip I don't like $$$$$$$.

At this point, the pit boss asks my g/f for ID. She fumbles around her purse and can't find it. "Well you're outta here". [censored] you you fat piece of [censored]. Well first I'm gonna take some of your $$$$$$$ when you go BUSTO!

So my 4 hands end up being 12, 20, 20, and 14 against dealer 5. Dealer goes 5-9-12-15-21 and I'm choked. Not about the 60 bucks, but about the fact that I don't even get a chance to make the money back from them. I'm also pissed that my g/f didn't bring her ID. Oh well at least I didn't get VD from the casino.

Off to O'Sheas - first thing I see is a crazy midget blowing a whistle with extreme force. I see a liquor bottle in his hand. I don't like midgets so we move on.

We then go to Harrah's - when my 2 friends go they stay at Harrah's. All they do is bust a nut about how awesome this Texas Hold' Em bonus game is there.

It's this game where you ante before you get cards, then once you see them you get the chance to pay double the ante or fold. Then you see a flop, and have a chance to bet an amount equal to the ante before the turn and river cards. If you beat the dealer you get paid even money on all your bets but your initial ante. You have to have a straight or higher to get paid off on that one.

Before I went I tried to find the optimal strategy for it. Of course there isn't one because of all the different scenarios. This isn't going to be fun. I sit down at a $10 table by myself, and give the dealer 300 bucks. She's really not impressed to have to deal to 1 person. More reason to take her $$$$$.

I get my chips and she's like "you're playing the bonus right?" I tell her no and she rolls her eyes and says "well that's how you make your money". OK Idi. So she deals me the first hand. I flip it up like I'm playing hold 'em (by the corners) and she screams at me to not do that. "Sorry ma'am, an older boy told me to do it ma'am" I say. She is not impressed.

I get K6. Sure I'll play that - it's a FACE CARD (as an aside I know only to fold 83, 82 and 72 but don't know anything else). Flop comes 944. WTF, do I bet here? I'm sure I'm ahead of a random hand so I bet (actually I'm just guessing). Turn is another 4. Bet. River is a 6. SHIP IT. Dealer has KT. This game is easy.

So I proceed to win 9 out of 10 total hands, and am up about 270. I don't really like playing a game where you have no clue where you stand, so I quit. Here's a redbird for you ma'am. And we are out.

Then we walk down to the Venetian. My g/f wanted to go on the gondola for a ride. Hm 20 bucks a person plus tip when I could be watching the Cosby show instead? "How about we look inside the hotel first?" GOLD!

We go in, and the first thing we notice is the overwhelming smell of air freshener. I notice but don't really care much - my g/f thinks it's pretty disgusting though. I don't really blame her - it's very potent. In my opinion it's a huge mistake by the Venetian - it just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, the hotel/casino itself is nice, but doesn't really have anything to set it apart from the rest of vegas. Personally, I wouldn't have a reason to stay here. We look for the Delmonico to save us some time later on.

We get there, and my g/f says "I don't want to eat there". "Um what?!?". "Look at the tables, they're way too small". "Yeah, that's the waiting lounge". "Oh I knew that". (um no you didn't). So we look at the menu, and the ribeye sticks out at me. I cannot wait for this meal!

Then we go to Treasure Island. The water leading up to the lobby is pretty disgusting. You'd think they could pay someone $5/hour to clean out the mags/other junk that was in there.

Inside was alright - we walk past a roulette table. I ask my g/f "what colour is gonna win, red or black?". "Red, but black is gonna win". Thanks. 20 on red please. BAM RED. Thanks for the 20 bucks. "I told you red would hit". "Good call....".

Then we sit and play 5 hand video poker. I toss in 20 bucks and play a quarter a hand (so it's like 1.25 a hand). Word of caution - video poker might be the most boring game on the face of the planet. I win a couple and lose a couple and am down to like 13 bucks. I tell my g/f to play the last 13 cause I just can't do it anymore. BUSTO. Way to not save the 2 pair though.

I have 4 reds from my roulette win, so I decide to play 1 hand of single deck 6-5 BJ. Yeah I know it's terrible but I have FOUR REDS! 14 vs dealer 10 - 24 BUSTO. Thanks for coming out.

But now I'm down 20 here WTF. Roulette baby! "What colour this time?". "Black, no red". "20 on black". BLACK! For some reason I now cash out these 4 reds and we leave. Very logical.

Off to the Mirage. I really liked the atmosphere of it - it's nice, clean, and has a little of everything. The poker room is super busy - there were 5 tables going on the top, nothing spectacular, but we see another 10-12 on the bottom going. Look and don't see any 2/4. [censored], looks like we're not coming back. We look at the pool, and see that's it's very nice. I'd like to look a little more, but we don't. We talk about coming back for the California Pizza kitchen later on in the week. No gambling here for some reason. That doesn't sound like me.

On the way out we look for a drink. For some reason the carbon dioxide canisters aren't working so we can't get a coke anywhere in the Mirage. Terrible.

On the way back to Bally's we go through Caesars. It's big, impersonal, and I wasn't really impressed. I think they had a circuit event going on there. The poker room was unimpressive from a walkthrough perspective. Lots of douches around. Not in a big hurry to go back.

So we get back and get ready for the Delmonico. I remember that my g/f isn't very cultured. This will be interesting. So we get dressed - she wears a hot white, brown, and light blue dress, and I wear a red dress shirt untucked with jeans. We cab to the Delmonico and get there 15 min early.

We let the maitre d know we're there, and sit and have a drink. I get a whiskey sour, and she takes a minute before ordering vodka/soda with squeeze of lime. We talk for the 12 hundredth time about having a "go-to drink" to not keep waiters/waitresses/bartenders waiting. [censored] I hate that.

So we get called, and my g/f is holding her drink while we walk. She takes 2 steps and the woman walking us to our table snatches it out of her hand in a pleasant manner. Can't let the lady carry her drink to the table. Where the hell is my drink-holder-guy? Sexist....

Anyways we get our chairs pulled out for us and sit down. Waiter introduces himself, plus 2 other waiters that will also be serving us. Gotta like 3 waiters! Of course I don't remember their names, but what can you do.

We order prime rib and beer fondue to start, with a caesar salad for 2. This fondue was spectacular, probably the best appetizer I've ever had. 9.5/10, only because we only got 2 bread pretzels. The guy made the caesar salad in front of us - it probably took about 5 minutes. We have a debate on which fork to use - I say the little one and she says the big one. I humour her and use the big one. The salad was delicious also. 9/10.

Then my g/f needed to use the ladies room. She asks a waiter where it is, and they walk her right to it. When she is gone a different waiter comes by, picks up her napkin from her seat, and folds it up again for her. Amazing. There were way too many of these little things to remember them all, but this service was 10x better than I've had at any restaurant before. I was very impressed. Another waiter came by to bring us 2 more big forks for dinner. I chuckle inside.

I order my ribeye medium, with double baked potato and asparagus. The g/f orders the Maine lobster with sauteed mushrooms. Steak was pretty good, but not the best I've had. Solid 8, probably 8.5. Baked potato was mediocre, probably 6.5. Asparagus was standard but fine. Didn't have any lobster, but my g/f said that it was "just alright". Hmmmmmm. Well at least it was only 65 bucks. The sauteed mushrooms were amazing though. I could have eaten 4 orders of them myself. 9.5/10. Too full for dessert. I'm mad because, out of my last 20 meals out, I have had dessert a total of zero times. Appetizers > dessert. Total bill almost 200 on the button. Leave 250 and we are done. Total experience 9/10, and probably 9.5 if I order better sides for my meal. Make sure you go here if you haven't already.

We get out and go pick up our tickets for the Blue Man Group for later on in the week. Then we walk back to the room to get changed and do something. Nothing interesting happened on the walk. Once back I receive the standard post-Delmonico BJ - not worth 250 bucks but still pretty good. 7.5/10. SCORE! Watch more of the Bally's impersonator. My g/f now hates her because she is super annoying. I'm growing partial to her Judge Judy impersonation. I still have no [censored] clue how to play baccarat.

We decide to head to the Excalibur for some reason. I know I will hate it. We go through NYNY - if it was more modern I would have liked it a lot - it reminded me of the movie AI with the sixth sense kid and jude law. We also wonder what hotel is going in that big hole beside the bellagio. That walk sucks.

We get to the Excalibur and we both sit at a 2/4 table. First hand I see that everyone sucks. One hand.

I get dealt KK on the button. I raise 5 limpers. Flop comes Q74r. Woman who donks any pair bets UTG. 2 callers and I raise. Everyone calls.

Turn comes 2 completing rainbow. Same woman donks out (she played the exact same way the hand previous with J5 on 952Q turn). 1 caller, I raise, she calls, other guy folds.

River is an ace, she checks, I find an easy river bet and she calls. I table kings, she flips over 77. WTF. I say nice hand, she says "I know". I'm pretty pissed off. Again, not about the money, but about how I run into fishy mcdonkey and her set, and she thinks she's amazing. Usually I'd just give myself the "poker is long term blah blah blah" speech, but I really wanted to own this local. Unfortunately I get called for a new 1/2NL table. "Good luck hun".

When I get to the table there are 3 girls lined up in a row from seats 4-6, and a guy in 7. Seat 8 it is. Good luck all. It turns out the girls are locals and work at Caesars. They were all table coaches who were ok but really had no clue. Pot odds and the like were talked about ad nauseum. Fun.

I said it before and I'll say it again - live full table NL blows. Play 1 hand an hour and that's about it. I make a note to only play limit live, unless all there is is 2/4 or 3/6. The verdict isn't out on 4/8.

I finally get AKs in the BB. Biggest table coach opens in CO for 12, Button calls, I jack it to 50, they both call. Flop comes K94r. I bet 90, they both call. Shove my last 100 on the 2 turn and get called by both again. River 6. Woman flips over 66, other guy AJ. Nothing like waiting an hour an a half to get raped. At least cuddle me afterwards.

Then I decide that I'm bored of this game and go on MEDIUMTILT. Raising whatever 2 preflop depending on preflop action and position and trying to push people off hands postflop. I bluff-raise a weak-tight player on a JT47Q river, repping AK all the way, and he puts me all in for 12 more. "Yeah....I can't call you with nothing here" and fold. METAGAME BABY!

2 hands later I raise 65s on the button to 22 after 4 limpers. Some big texan guy pushes for 45 total out of the SB and it's folded to me. Gamb000000l! (yes I know it's an easy call). We flip em over and he's got aces. I know I'm sucking out here. a 5 comes on the flop, the turn gives me open ended, and I spike a 5 on the river. And he's off to the wheel! 20 bucks hahahahaahah. Thanks for coming out.

After donking off another 200 and getting yelled at for it I decide to actually play some poker. It seems other people don't like money either. So I value bet the hell out of everything I have, open up preflop, and make it all back.

At this point there are only 2 girls left, and 1 just got owned on a J84 board:

girl - JJ
some guy - T9
other some guy - K7

They were all in on the flop for about 250 each, and the girl had about 30 behind afterwards. The cards weren't shown until showdown:

Turn A
River Q

hahahahaha last place thanks for coming out. Anyways, then she brings out a digital camera. She has tons of pics of her and her friend parading around semi-nude and feeling each other, etc. They're both decent but nothing special - 5/10 and 5.5/10 I guess. I'm less than impressed, but make sure to stay conspicuous as my g/f is 2 tables over. They start charging $5 to see the pictures. Girl 1 is the one who caught the river 6 against me.

Me: "biggest. waste of money. ever."
Girl 1: "huh?"
Me: "those pictures suck"
Girl 2: "these guys seem to like them (pointing to the rest of the table)"
Me: "you could pick any 2 girls in this casino and they'd pay 100 bucks for them"
Girl 1: "whatever - we went out with dutch boyd and the guy who just won the 3.5 million dollar WP...T...whatever tournament the other night"
Me: "yeah - what's his name? (saying it cynically, but not knowing it myself)"
Girl 1: "um it was joe....joe someone - he's really good though"
Girl 2: "yeah I don't remember his name either"
Me: "yeah dutch is pretty sketchy - but it's pretty amazing how some guy wins a tournament and everyone thinks he's awesome and all the girls get in line"
Girl 1: "whatdaya mean?"
Me: "you know what I mean - so how much are you whoring those pictures for again?"

I'm really bored at this point, so I motion to my g/f that we're going. I see that she's had quite a few drinks. Uh oh. She's up money at least. Me down 60, but up about 8 more crown and coke.

So we're walking back to the hotel (I wanted to catch a cab but she really wanted to walk for some reason), and my g/f starts talking about how to play certain hands. I really don't want to talk about her 2/4 hands, but humour her for a few minutes. She's slurring the hands and they don't make sense (i.e. "well I've got kings and the flop has a king and 2 other cards and the guy bets and I think I have the best hand so I raise and he calls and the turn comes a king I think and he bets, but I'm scared of the king so I just call, the river comes some card and he bets again and I call and I win with a flush how did I play it?"). Once this is done we're walking for a minute and she says:

Her: "(mumbling incoherently)"
Me: "pardon me?"
Her: "nothing (in a semi rude tone)"

I've dated her for long enough to know that a fight will start in about 4 minutes. She'll say something loud enough for me to hear, but not know what she said, and then say 'nothing', but then try and start something right afterwards. At this point I don't know what it's about, but know there's something on her mind.

Her (3 minutes later): Why'd you shave your balls when you came back from Vegas last time? (it was a year ago)
Me: Actually, if you remember, I shaved them before I left, like I do every 2 weeks.
Her: Did you see a hooker while you were there?
Me: Of course not - you know me better than that
Her: Why are you getting so defensive about it if you didn't do it?!?
Me: I feel I have a right to get angry when you accuse me of getting hookers in vegas.
Her: Well why'd you shave your balls then?
Me: I already told you
Her: You DID see a hooker there didn't you? Or some other girls?
Me: No I didn't
Her: And probably strippers too
Me: How did I go from playing poker to seeing hookers, strippers, and regular girls when I was there? You're crazy.
Her: [censored] you (and walks 4 strides ahead of me the whole way to fatburger - about 5 minutes)

I stop and get Fatburger (which wasn't very good btw - 4/10), eat it, and we go back to the room. We then fight over some other stuff while in the room, she goes to sleep on the other queen bed, and I watch more of the Bally's impersonator girl with a smug grin on my face. Obviously no sex. I can't wait for tomorrow.