[katyseagull]

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Also, familial interactions are governed by formal rules in Korea, whereas the relaxed atmosphere of social interaction in the US causes misinterpretations. These kinds of things occur all the time and cause stress to both partners. Coupled with the normal stresses that occur in any marriage, this alone can be too much for many people.

You must eliminate your pre-existing generalizations of the alien culture and focus on understanding the realities. For example, the sterotype of the submissive asian woman, particularly among Korean women, is simply wrong. They may appear that way in public, but this is an illusion. I've known many Korean-Korean couples, and without exception the wife runs the household, including finances. But unlike many American wives, the Korean wives I've known are parsimonious, almost to a fault, and focus on saving the money, not spending.



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Thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate hearing your views on foreign marriage especially because you're married to a Korean woman! The part you mention about Korean women running the household and finances seems to be applicable to my friend's situation. He pretty much feels "run". He is very frustrated with the financial imbalance and the fact that his wife wants to save all "her" money but doesn't mind him spending "his" money on their day-to-day bills. Lol. When he throws out an idea for their future, either investing or planning a vacation or whatever, she asks him "Is it 100% safe? Is it 100% guaranteed?" Without this guarantee she refuses to go along with his suggestions. He feels sort of like her servant.

Another thing you touch on is the difference in familial rules between cultures. I think this has been a big part of my friend's problem. He is living in Korea and has become part of her extended family. He does not understand his role in her life or even how important her role is as the oldest sibling of 3 daughters who is now responsible for elderly parents. He was totally unprepared.

A couple things that SHE told me when I last spoke with her - she said Tom talks too much and it is viewed in her country as poor behavior. She can't stand that he swears at all. Like any swearing is considered very unmannerly. (He told me that they have HUGE fights over his swearing.) He wants to buy stuff like motorcycles, old classic cars, plasma TV, cool gadgets. He complains that she only wants to spend her money on stupid designer clothes and shoes and ridiculously expensive apartments. When they fight he cusses and she can't stand it. She shuts down and gives him the cold shoulder for days. When he told her they need to talk things out she obliged him by screaming and throwing things at him. She thinks he's immature and too boorish and he thinks she's crazy as a loon and selfish.

I know them both and think they are both extremely nice, wonderful people.