[daveT]

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Do you feel at all bad or threatened that some people can give her what you cannot, or will not? Have you ever felt in any way resentful that there are things others can provide her that you cannot?



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Of coarse. I remember one of my old roommates and an exes relationship.

With him, she was more at ease, more talkative, more laughing. They were able to go out an have beers. Sexually, he was disgusted by her, but I always wondered what would happen if they got super drunk one day. He obviously wouldn't touch her because we were best friends, but it didn't make watching them two any easier on me. In the end, I shared the same pillow with her, and that was the most I could ask for.

Resentment, yes, because I wanted that part of her for me always, but because of our relationship, I couldn't see that part. There is a huge difference between friends and S.O.s. I was able to relate to his GF in ways that they could never relate, but that was because I wasn't involved in their ties, and I never had a desire to break that tie.

I, as a joke, walked into their bedroom and closed the door, "saying, hey baby." It was the only time he and I fought.

My roommate and I were able to be very honest with each other, and we talked openly to each other about how our relationships with each other's gf was different. We both envied how each one of our girls was able to be so at ease and just be out for the party, to really have fun.

Evolutionarily, we are wired this way. For whatever reason, we believe that our S.O. is the best person in the world, even if no one else could see it. To see that there is a world that could be better that is not ours, that we cannot supply, threatens us, and forces us to fight harder to keep our relationships together.

I am single now, and I think it is the above that makes me want to be alone, and this was what I was trying to address to Katy. These emotions are hard to deal with sometimes to be sure. What is more frightening is how these emotions cause others to do or say things that were not meant to be said or done. I wonder if most break ups are simply dealing with the thought that people are not able to supply every thing toward each other. That people think the other is miserable when he or she is not, and this short-coming is too hard to deal with: an admission that the S.O. is able to do better, when really, they can't.