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Old 04-30-2007, 11:22 PM
Dane S Dane S is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 4,453
Default Re: Please respond: a short fiction piece

I agree with what others have said about spicing up/smoothing out the language a bit, and want to throw in my vote for ending it with this sentence:

"His wife quickly signed to him “She just said her first word! Dada!” "

And perhaps make it more abrupt if you can swing it.
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