[cakewalk]

this one time we were practicing for the homecoming skit in one of the buildings on campus. there were lots of girls from the sororities we were paired with, so it was an environment one would try to impress in. all was going pretty standard till i had to fart. it felt like a completely normal fart, so i stepped out of ear sight for a couple seconds and let'er rip.

but something wasn't right.

i took a few steps back into the room and sat back down at a desk. as i sat down i felt something squishy and wet. yep that's right, i sharted myself.

i started to think about the possible solutions to this problem. i don't have a car so i couldn't very well ask someone back to my fraternity house (where i lived at the time) to change, and walking was out of the question.

i decided it would be a good idea to go to the bathroom to survey the damage and figure out how i was going to get through skit practice without drawing any attention to myself. i went to the second floor bathroom so that no one would walk in on me surveying a nasty shart.

upon further inspection it's a pretty solid mess i've made in my pants, but luckily most of it was confined to my boxers. one thing creeps into my mind at this point: commando mode. i slip off my boxers and throw them in the garbage can.

in order to erase some of the smell that is lingering, theres some unopened toilet paddies (the things that sit in the urinal to eat some of the piss smell). i start rubbing those on the inside of my jeans and head back down to skit practice.

we went to practice the skit in a stairwell and the rest of the night was pretty uneventful, except that someone said "damn it sure does smell like a bathroom in here" everyone laughed and i noticed that there was a bathroom paddy/rock thing on the floor next to my foot. i laughed a little harder and was quite content that i had averted a potential disaster.