[pokergrader]

I'm going to edit right in the text, my edits will be in bold.

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Third draft, dropped the magic stuff and focused more on theatre. Shortened it some but really need to shorten more of my sentences. What else? Thanks everyone.

The world I came from was in the Moonlight. The Moonlight Amphitheater.this sentence is really bad, needs to go
A local semi-professional theater, the Moonlight was my sanctuary for years. Musical Theatre always acted as constant in my lifeacted is a poor choice of words, and it is in the past tense, you no longer think of musical theater as an important part of your life?. I performed in musicals every summer, and <u>when I wasn’t performing I was volunteering - selling raffle tickets or ushering, staying involved somehow</u>rewrite that. The experience was unforgettable.this is a wasted sentence, we know you didn't forget because you are writing about it. Come up with a better finish to this introduction
<u>The performing aspect wasn’t what attracted me, I never minded being in front of people but I never found it that rewarding.</u>rewrite this, it seems more logical the other way. Even though I never minded being in front of people, it was the other aspects.... However, I could never get enough of the atmosphere. Theatre naturally attracts the outgoing type, and the people I met were the most interesting and diverse group I had ever been a part of. How were they interesting and diverse? give me something tangible Meeting and watching all of these different people interact showed me how people really should be treated. People in theatre always seemed to be open to people, rejecting childish stereotypes and not passing judgments as I had been exposed to for so long in society. what specifically about theater makes people open minded and accepting? this is where you need to shine
The summer entering my senior year, I was hired at Moonlight’s restaurant and concession stand. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I started as the cashier for the stand, and slowly started to truly enjoy what I was doing. you had mentioned earlier you loved doing stuff like this, and now you are slowly starting to enjoy it? The work itself was generally bland and unexciting, but the constant interaction with strangers and co-workers was both enjoyable and enlightening. give me an example I realized how much I enjoy simply interacting with people. examples. everybody loves interacting with fun people, why is this different
My experiences performing and working at the Moonlight directly shaped my dream. <u>To always interact with as many people as possible.</u>This underlined sentence really should just be deleted. I don't entirely agree with the premise of the conclusion, but at least it flows. It needs to be longer though To not only accept diversity, but to seek and embrace it. To constantly surround myself with new people, and to show everyone the respect they deserve.

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