[buriedbeds]

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My feeling is twofold: first, I understand it. They are trying to regain their sense of self, to say "I am a valuable person despite my physical traits," which I support just as I support anyone who wants to affirm their value despite being put down for being black, gay - whatever. Because I absolutely believe that that's true. I'm TREATED today like I'm a more valuable person than I was 2 years ago, but I am not. I was just as caring, competent, hard-working, sincere, funny, dedicated and devoted to my friends and family today as I was then. I am NOT a better person. I am a THINNER person. Which, really, has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONTENT OF MY CHARACTER.

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I disagree completely with your last sentence. It may be contrary to what you believe, but I think being mordibly obese says a lot about a man's (or woman's) character. If anything, our society errs on the side of materialism, but there is something quite important about being presentable, about being healthy, about putting your best foot forward.

It's not that I don't feel for people who are overweight, particularly if they are fighting depression and their eating habits are tied into this. It's not that they are "bad" people in the sense that I wouldn't expect them to torture dogs or molest children. But they are weak, and weakness can't be looked at as not somehow a personalilty trait.

Your weight loss demonstrates something quite important about your character - strength. Don't sell yourself short.

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Yeah, it does - AND IT DID FOR ALL THOSE YEARS THAT I WAS TRYING AND FAILING.

So what, you think I suddenly "gained" character?? You think I suddenly "gained" strength?? I didn't. I had them all along. You - or rather people with your mentality that I encountered - COMPLETELY misread me due to ignorance and misleading and wrong-headed sterotyping, and because of that missed out on the opportunity to get to know me as a human being - one that is good, honest, hard working and sincere. And that's YOUR loss.

It is hard to see that when you're going through it, but that's the way I see it now. Now that people look me in the eye, now that I'm actually viewed as who I am instead of what I am.

I have MILES of strength, MILES of character. You try walking in the shoes I walked in for a week and see how YOU do. Getting messed with by people you don't know, having people avoid looking you in the eye, having people treat you like a pariah because you got stuck in a real bad situation and can't get out of it. Did I lack character or strength because I TRIED losing weight in every way imaginable and failed?? NO. I TRIED. It didn't work. I tried nutrisystem, weight watchers, a personal nutritionist, slim fast, the AHA diet, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. I did NOT lack strength. I did NOT finally find it because I lost weight. Period. And in my interactions with other people in the same boat that I've come across, I've yet to find a SINGLE ONE who can't say the same. Not ONE. I do not know anyone who's gotten to be big that did not try desperately to find something to fix it. If such an animal does exist - yeah, I don't think much of them, either. But I've yet to come across them, and I doubt that anyone who you'd be talking about was what you think they were, either.

This is why when people say to me, "you're a whole new person!" I ALWAYS correct them. I am NOT a new person. I am me. I always was me, I always will be me. I am just thinner and healthier now. That is all. The "who" of my personality is the same. I can just run up the steps at the Philly art museum two at a time now without getting real winded. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] But the fundamentally good things about my personality - as well as my weaknesses - are still there. Even if short-sighted, small-minded people couldn't - or chose not to - see the good before.

As to your comment about depression - well, maybe they are depressed. But correlation is not the same thing as causation. Suicide and depression rates among gay teens are extraordinarily high. Does that mean that being gay makes you depressed or makes you kill yourself? No. It is the surrounding culture that makes them feel guilty and ashamed of themselves, driving them to depression and suicide. You try going through life in a world you don't fit into, going on job interviews that you KNOW you're good for and knowing as soon as you see the expression on the hiring person's face that you have no shot, getting hassled by strangers and constantly told about your lack of "character" and other supposed shortcomings while NOT being depressed. It ain't [censored] easy. In fact, it's really goddamned hard. Seriously - take everything in your daily life, all your normal problems and trials, and go through all that crap being in a world you don't fit into being hassled and told you're [censored] as a human being. You don't think you'd be a little blue?? Skinny people are plenty melodramatic with their [censored] little problems, and they don't have to deal with any of that. THAT'S lack of character. THAT'S lack of strength.

-bb.