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Jim: KILL ME NOW!

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I died at this response. I also thought the Stone Cold line was incredibly hilarious. The flag football one was very good as well.

Here's another joke that bombed very hard in middle school. Every month or so, we'd have this big assembly thing on the last Friday, where we'd do some random non-school type stuff that culminated with an assembly.

On this particular day, the assembly was on wearing helmets and being cautious while engaging in activities that could potentially kill or seriously injure you. The person giving the lecture was this paralyzed guy in a wheel chair.

Half of the school, about 350 students were in attendance. The wheel chair guy goes on about his injury and explains that he got into a motorcycle wreck without a helmet and broke his spine, etc. He talked about how lucky he was to not have permanent brain damage.

He then asks, "Can you tell me something you do that you need your brain for?" Some kid raises his hand and says something like, "To study" and another student says something equally boring. I whisper to my friend, he raises his hand and says, "To ride motorcycles!"

We were really the only ones laughing, but we quickly STFU when we realized how [censored] it was. He then had my friend come up on the stage and do a demonstration that was supposed to symbolize brain damage. He had my pal drop a tomato on the ground and examine it. "See, that's your brain, how's it look now?"

My friend obviously dusts the thing off and announces that it looks perfect. We were such fckers.