[PokerFink]

Is that Moss? I think he's triple-covered. You know what? [censored] it. I'm throwing it downfield.

Yeah, I see Kevin Faulk open on the flank. But [censored] that. Dumpoff passes are for [censored]. I'm [censored] Tom Brady. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can't, I bet I'll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick hard.

What's that? I should throw a quick slant? [censored] that. That's gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is [censored] football. You can't just expect wins to come to you. You can't massage that [censored]. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving [censored] out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You're a pussy. This ain't John Shoop running this offense. Tom Brady's got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I'm throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her panties with that throw. She [censored] wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh [censored]. Looks at that. Moss just outjumped everyone and caught it for the touchdown. Again. It felt [censored] great to throw that [censored]. Tell me that wasn't one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I'm gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I'm gonna try to nail him right between the [censored] eyes with a Tom Brady fastball. Except Moss will jump up and catch that too.

This is Tom Brady we're talking about here. We're talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I'm not just a gunslinger. I'm a cumslinger. I [censored] supermodels. Throwing that ball long tells all the Giesele wannabe's that I am [censored] out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I'll tease them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But then I'm gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it's worth. It tells them I throw like I [censored]. That's how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you're not turned on right now. I am.