[relativity_x]

a) its basically BS
<font color="blue"> it's boring. Plus you come off as an arrogant, spoiled prick.</font>
b) im a bad writer (transitions are bad, lack of examples)
<font color="blue">tons of misspelled/used words, this needs to be edited/revised</font>
c) I dont get enough about me and my personality in there. kind of dull
<font color="blue">umm, you come off as dependent on your parents.</font>
e) I fail to achieve something
<font color="blue">I think you'd be better off using the last paragraph and starting from there. Give examples of how you work towards independence if you want to continue in this direction. </font>

I'd suggest starting on another topic.