[nineinchal]

I am an Atlantic City resident as of August 3,2007. When I am elected I you may address me as Mayor nineinch. I propose my candidacy under the marijuana legalization party. You know, the party with the pot leaf that I see every November that heads (no pun intended) up its own column in the voting booth, while I am pulling the lever for the Republican candidates, since I am brainwashed by Rush Limbaugh to vote Republican only. I also laugh my ass off when I see the marijuana party actually being given recognition as a party (get it, party, marijuana party). Anyway, I digress.

I am a CPA and have been an operational auditor auditing the government and non-profit corporations for the last tweny five years. I am officially announcing my candidacy for mayor of Atlantic City on the platform of cleaning up the corruption that all of the dirty politicians have been enabling since the days when Al Capone visited the Ritz Carlton.

I also propose a monorail along Pacific Avenue out to the Marina for the purposes of shuttling casino patrons amongst the various casinos. I also propose a better coordination of traffic lights along Atlantic Avenue so the Average Joe can have faster and easier access to the casinos.

My revolutionary plan is to require the casinos to increase the minimum comp rate to poker players to twenty per cent of the rake or rent, without further increases in current rake or rent rates. Also, casinos must provide buffets that don't suck like the Taj or the Trop.

I will further mandate that the Trop and the Hilton make a much better effort of operating their poker rooms by having higher limit games in the range of 10/20 and 20/40. Further, the name Trump shall be banned within city limits, never to be written or uttered again, as well as Donald Trump's image be removed on such tacky things as water bottles, steaks and clothing. However, I will forego the above ban if Trump ponies up the money for the monorail, then he can be the mayor, since he really would have contributed something that would make a difference to this stinking town.