[happyhappyhappy]

I was sitting at my computer a few years ago, reading something online. Heard a buzzing and looked up to see a yellow jacket flying around my ceiling light. Grabbed a newspaper and stood up right as I see the yellow jacket gearing up to make a run at me. He did, and landed it. Right on my eye lid.

The left side of my face blew up for a bout a week, elephant man style. My cell phone had died, so the next morning I emailed work to tell them what happened, they didn't believe me and said that not showing up would be considered quitting. So I grabbed my aviators, put em on and drove down. I made sure I was within a foot of my boss when I took them off. It was great.

Other one was a fistfight with my older brother when I was 16. I bit my tongue as he landed a punch to my chin, and my tongue exploded right down the middle, almost an inch in. My tongue looked like a snake's tongue to the t, and I had to have 16 stitches on the inside of my tongue, which before they did that they had to give me my novacaine by giving my the shot in the underside of my tongue.

Sometimes now I wished I had left it like that. I'd be world renowned for my cunnilingus, and could have made a ton in porn. Ah, what could have been.