Re: any writers?
i think you could do a little cutting (for instance, stnz2 ln2 i think "eyes laughing" conveys just as much, if not more, and i think it pushes the reader faster through the piece, eager to gain more infromation) and perhaps a little more clarifying.
As a reader I like the path I've been led down, but I felt like I was kept in the dark a little too much. I want to get somewhere and know where I've been.
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