[warrantofice]

Honestly though, when people ask me what I do for a living, the conversation usually ends up sound like this:

Person: "So...tell me how you make your living?"

Me: "You play for a living, it's like any other job. You don't gamble, you grind it out. Your goal is to win one big bet an hour. That's it. Get your money in when you have the best of it, protect it when you don't. Don't give anything away."

Person: "ohhh, what the hell are you talking about?"

Me: "Fold or hang tough. Call or raise the bet. These are decisions you make at the table. Sometimes the odds are stacked so clear there's only one way to play it. Other times, like holding a small pair against two over cards, it's six to five, or even money, either way. Then it's all about feel, what's in your guts. "

Person: "Are you trying to say your a poker player?"

Me: "Put a guy like me in a weak game like that, the cards themselves hardly matter. A fish acts strong, he's bluffing, acts meek, he has a hand."

Person: "Great, must be nice to sit down all day"

Me: "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker."

Person: "So this is a pretty cool party, how do you know Kelly?"

Me: "The truth is I can always find games, though. Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games. I could turn this truck onto the Jersey turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours."

Person: "Well thats nice, I think I need to get a refill on this drink."

Me: "Why does this still seem like gambling to you? I mean, why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY SINGLE YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas? It's a skill game"

Person: "Oh I really must be going, Oh Hey LARRY!!" (walks away)

Me: "You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20."

Me: "The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas is the center of the poker universe. Doyle Brunsen, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth - the legends - consider it their office. Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up wanting to beat a world champion. Usually they go home with nothing but a story. "