[x2ski]

Before my story, the purpose of this post is to ask you about your 911 experiences, if you have had any. Anyway:

I called 911 tonight.

The wife, little man (2 yrs old) and I had just finished furniture shopping at a local store. We were pulling out of the parking lot, onto a side street (25 mph) that led to the main thoroughfare (35 mph). We were turning left.

Before my wife could pull out of the lot (Yeah, she was driving... I know, I'm a man, and as the man I should be in charge of heavy equipment, but I've yet to renew my license and therefore don't drive if she's with me), we noticed what seemed to be a forty-something chick "manually" backing her car out of an auto mechanic's lot across the street. When I mean "manually" backing it out, I mean that she had the door open and was walking it backwards, outside of the car (it was a VW Jetta fwiw).

The auto mechanic's lot sloped towards the street, so we quickly realized that she wasn't "backing it out", but trying to stop the freaking thing from rolling into the street! Well, the Jetta won, and she fell over backwards. The car continued its descent, and the driver's side door literally rolled over her face as she was lying in the road. I swear to Christ I saw teeth fly into the air, as if the door either smacked her below the chin or upper jaw as it rolled over her. It's at this point I immediately hit up the ol' 911. I mean, what good can come of this situation? This chick is gonna need some medical attention.

Some dude in a car in front of her stopped, as did a guy behind her. My wife put our truck in park and ran to the car to put on the emergency brake (wtf? I believe the chick who just got her face ripped off by a car door is more important, but whatev).

As I get out of the truck, I notice that this chick is actually sitting up in the street, covering her face. I didn't think she would be in the condition to sit up, but she then proceeded to stand up and turn around. She was miraculously unscathed (I don't know what it was I saw that I perceived as teeth, but I swear I initially saw teeth flying about). At this point I hung up on 911, since I hadn't heard it ring yet, hoping my cell phone hadn't gotten through yet.

My wife had successfully stopped the Jetta, and we went to check the chick out. She was stupid white trash, but aside from that, she was fine.

My phone rang. It was 911 calling back with a gigantic "wtf?". I explained to the 911 chick what happened and why I had called, but that everything seemed to be fine. She angrily asked me where I was like four times. I told her where we were, but that everything appeared to be fine and that I was very sorry for wasting her time.

As I was giving the 911 chick my name, and reassuring her that everything was ok, some other stupid white trash chick barreled through the scene at about 40 mph just as one of the guys who stopped was pushing the Jetta out of the way. The chick slammed on her brakes, and as they were screeching I said "Oh [censored], here we go". The chick managed to stop in time, but slammed into the curb and blew her right-front tire.

Hearing all of this, the 911 chick went crazy. She insisted to know what was going on, and it was all I could do to convince her that two disasters had somehow been averted, and that everything was still fine. I finally got to hang up.

The chick who blew her tire was all pissed that people were doing things in the road that she was unaccustomed to and bitching the whole time. She really sucked. The Jetta chick was cool, although stupid, and thankful that people were there to help her.

Apparently, her car had died, and she was trying to push it up into the auto-mechanic's parking lot when she lost control.



I also called 911 about two years ago.

It was about three in the morning. Bar time.

I was out on my back deck having a smoke, when I heard someone accelerate like mad from an intersection about a half-mile away from me. The road is 45 mph, but has two sharp turns in it that are close to my house where a yellow "35 mph" sign is posted.

Whoever this was, it sounded like they were still accelerating once they hit the turns. I heard the screeching of tires, a smash, and then what sounded like rolling and trees breaking apart. It was time to call 911.

I explained to the 911 chick what I had heard and where I had heard it, gave my contact information and that was it. About half an hour later, the doorbell rang as I was eating Papa Murphy's Chicago-Style pizza. It was the cops yo.

The Sheriff's deputy asked if I had called 911 and I said yes, yes I had. He said they hadn't found anything, and asked if I was sure I was placing the location correctly. Although I was buzzed up, I was sure everything was accurate. I told them same (except for the buzzed up part), they thanked me and were on their way. My wife still says I was hallucinating, although she was asleep at the time of the incident.

Checking local police reports for the next few weeks, I found nothing related to what I had heard, but again, I swear to Christ it happened. Somehow, the car must have been drivable, and the dude motored on.



I also called 911 when I was twelve or thirteen years old.

I learned that there was a number one could dial that played a tone-dial melody repeatedly. I don't remember what the number was, but I tried to mimic it on the phone in my bedroom. Apparently, the first few tones required 9-1-1, and I had inadvertently dialed it repeatedly for like five minutes.

The cops came and I totally denied any wrong-doing.

So, I have called 911 three times in my life, two of them seriously. Unfortunately, all of them have been false alarms. I feel bad about this, because growing up you're taught that 911 is for emergencies only, and that you can get in a lot of trouble for wasting the 911 chicks' time.

Am I abusing the 911 system?