[joker122]

After playing online poker professionally for six months what I know with the greatest certainty is that all my thoughts and actions are anchored by relativity.

If, on the day I turned pro (3/14/07) someone told me I would make $350k playing poker online over the next 12 months I would be overwhelmed with joy and disbelief. However, if someone told me today that, over this same 12 months (March ’07 to March ’08), I would make this same sum I would be extremely disappointed. This is because I have already made that amount since March, and so they would be effectively telling me that I was going to break even for the next six months.

If I broke even for the next six months I believe I would become progressively angrier, more depressed, and altogether more unhappy. Why? Relativity, obviously. After winning $350k in six months my expectations were drastically reshaped. This, finally getting to the point, thrusts upon me an almost comical paradox: I would actually be happier making considerably less than $350k if I made it pro rata over 12 months than I would be if I made $350k in the first six months and then made $0 in the latter six months. In other words, I would very much prefer to never have made so much so fast.

Another “funny” observation: after having been a big winner for 130k hands at the higher limits (50/100 and 100/200…limit holdem, btw) and then breaking even for approximately 75k hands at those same limits I recently caught myself actually considering quitting poker completely and getting a “real” job. Now, even if I dropped down significantly to, for example, 10/20, I would still be guaranteed to make at least $200k a year – an amount 5x greater than an entry level job would pay. And yet, dropping down didn’t (and still doesn’t) seem like a viable option, simply because those limits and the type of money I would make there is insignificant relative to what I’m accustomed to. But when I turned pro 10/20 was my main game, and I wasn’t even sure I would ever make it to 15/30.

By the same token, my annoyance with this sustained break even stretch is almost totally assuaged by my two faced friend, relativity. Tonight I had dinner with a few of my friends. Their perspective, manifested by complaints of living paycheck to paycheck, working 50 hour weeks in an effort to land an $8k raise, and so on, forced me to acknowledge how good I have it. So, while poker really sucks right now, it’s still pretty good considering.

This is mainly a way for me to vent, but I’d appreciate any insight anyone has to offer.