[Blarg]

It's an individual question so you can't get an answer applicable to everyone. Unfortunately, that doesn't make your life as an individual any easier.

Agree with your response to Katy that rushing into things is never good. There's always a strong temptation to do what is expected in society and gains the approval of peers and family. Even in work, many jobs go easier if you are married, because it can give you more in common with your bosses and make you seem more responsible and stable.

But doing something you're not ready for, and taking on burdens you don't particularly want to, isn't all that stable. Considering the potentially very emotionally and financially costly implications, getting married should be taken more seriously than a lot of people take it. I'm rarely surprised when I see people getting divorced, because I don't meet that many people who seem like they are firing on all cylinders and are really balanced and content within themselves, much less ready to deal with the problems of a serious relationship once the first bloom of infatuation has gone. Far more often, I wonder why people marry than why they divorce.

Hopefully you get honest enough over time about what your real values are and what you want out of life, and are willing to give and give up to get that, so that marriage becomes at least a possibility worth considering. It would be a shame never to achieve the emotional maturity and self-knowledge that makes marriage a serious option. But it would be a shame if major life decisions were made without that knowledge, just out of habituation to someone, or loneliness, or duty, conformity, or even something so otherwise commendable as optimism. That wouldn't be fair to you or your partner.

I think you have to find and develop yourself first, rather than get together with someone in the hopes that they will make you happy or help develop you into the adult you want to be. Otherwise, marriage can be used as a retreat from fear of the world instead of a positive interaction with it. You may have a relationship that lasts because of fear, but it's not the type you can expect to give you a fair share of joy.