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OP - sincere condolences. You're faced with a terrible challenge, emotional and practical. Glad to see you're past the "snoop on emails" initial response. I'm not sure how exactly I'd react to the pressures you're facing (I'm married with children FWIW).

On a different note, though, don't gobble up, without critical thought, a bunch of crap from the web. While I don't have particularly unique insight into Marriage Builders and that organization's effectiveness, your links and the few bits I've read through convince me that you shouldn't be investing so much emotional and intellectual capital into the advice / experiences you're reading about. I don't think that "love units" are quite the universal, underlying, building blocks of human relations that the particular website does; nor do I think that the website's views on marriage and broken marriages (and the reason therefore) are necessarily representative let alone extensible across marriages and relationships generally.

You're dealing with an incredibly challenging situation; I'd say you're holding up pretty well and I'd encourage you to perservere, without investing a lot of emotional energy into those who might explain why or why not you've been presented with the challenge.

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Thanks for your input. All I can tell you is that the stuff on Marriage Builders website made a lot of sense and described basically what happened in my marriage and my wife's affair. When I see all the similarities, I can't help but believe that the author knows what he is talking about.

That other blurb I pasted about the Stages of women in affairs was basically a 100% match as to what my wife went through. It was actually from a book which I bought off the website. Although it didn't save my marriage, that book was life changing for me bc I will never go into relationships blind again.