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I think it might be
this gem from TheFaucet. Long live TheFaucet.
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So this kid goes to the grocery store on his bike around 8 and on his way out of the place he hears drunken bums shouting and cursing at each other in the parking lot. He looks around and only sees one bum, and then realizes that it's just one bum who was having a conversation with himself very loudly. My friend, wanting to avoid any unpleasantness, decides to go the long way around since this bum looks drunk or high and antagonistic and is chilling near the passageway that would be the closer way out to the main street. So he's on his bike, plastic grocery bags hanging from his handlebars, and he sees the hobo emerge from the passage. Keep in mind that the bum is loudly rambling the whole time, and is a skinny Northwest junkie hobo which is probably the worst kind of hobo you can find in America these days. So my friend is biking down the parking lot and the bum is powerwalking towards where he'll be in about 5 seconds if he doesn't change course. He then hears the bum mutter aloud, "I'M GONNA ATTACK THIS GUY." My friend is alarmed and also slightly amused at the fact that this cockroach decided to voice his intentions. Then the bum goes, "NO, HE'S TOO PALE", turns around and quickly disappears back to the mall. So in short, my roommate almost got attacked and surprise buttsexed by a drunk possibly schizophrenic hobo but the hobo decided my roommate was too white for his taste. I see where the bum was coming from though, my roommate is German and ginger so he's got the pale milky complexion and is the kind of kid who acts and looks so white that blacks are offended just by looking at him and punch him in the face (actually happened in high school). damn, writing is fun when you're high, holla
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Yeah that was great.