[pegboy]

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I'm slowly realizing that this problem that I outlined in the OP is a direct reflection of how I feel that I handle/approach life

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As I read through your OP and your last comments I can't help but think you've hit the nail on the head with your admission that fear (anxiety, apprehension, etc)is part of your general approach to life.

There are a few aspects of this realization that I'd like to comment on.

The first thing I'd like to tell you is that fear is not just a feeling that you need to deal with or overcome. I felt many of the same feelings you've described for the first 30 years of my life. I was confident, successful, stable, and deep down always a little afraid, cautious, and apprehensive. I still am. The difference now is that I know that fear is not part of me, it is me. I am, in a phrase "fear based". This realization came to me while reading a book about enneagram personality typologies. This is a fascinating and growing study of human personalities that divides us into 9 energies/personas and serves to explain basic drives that people have. I discovered that fear is not a feeling to be dealt with so much as an intrinsic part of who I am as a person. I'm loyal, dependable, and risky. I'm cautious and I'm wary.

I've got to tell you I think it was the greatest revelation of my life to know that the fear was beyond OK. It is important and most of all useful. I play poker and win because of my cautiousness. It's the same with life. I anticipate problems and so I prepare. I deal well with tragedy because I partly expect that life is a bitch sometimes. I’ll spare you further descriptions of what it is to be me. My point is that I hear you saying you’re kind of scared sometimes and I’m telling you that it may well be part of your core personality. So much a part that it will always be a part and you will always be a little scared or apprehensive of upcoming situations. My next point is that it is the very realization that this is permanently you that will set you free to rise above emotion and live a better life.

I skirt around things as well. The difference these days is that I know why I’m doing it. So I catch myself and understand myself and give myself a bit of a break.

I just hope I helped you more than not?