[MightyA6]

I read the OP and all your posts in the thread but nothing else.

Okay, so the truth is that I hate f***ing hobby-psychiatrists and therefore I hate myself at this point, but I somehow feel that I can relate to you in some manner. Not because I have ever been crazy in love like you are now, so I skip out that part, but everything else.
My two cent of worth:

1. The poker thing. Quit it for now! Remember that you have been winning, and think of that instead of fighting for a stupid donkament win. Be proud of the fact that you are winning, and you play poker better then 90-99% of the players out there.
Maybe you'll get back to poker later.. in a year or something.

2. The weed. Just because I hate it so much, I say it again: I hate f***ing hobby-psychiatrists and therefore I hate myself at this point, but anyways I'll type something down.
So I think that you should see someone for this, because they know what they are doing, no matter what you think. But ask yourself if it's really because you need the weed or because it has become a habit of yours to be smoking when you come home? The thing is that before I go to bed I need to have a glass of milk or cocacola or orange juice. I need to have it between my bed and drink a little before I go to sleep, I also have to watch some kind of tv-show on my computer while lying down. If I don't do this, I feel insecure and have a hard time falling asleep. Doing this really helps me get a routine, it feels like my body knows that "now I can take it cool and relax".
So I think that you maybe should find something instead of the weed to make you feel secure in where you're at? I must admit, I do a lot of crazy stuff without thinking about it, but if I do, I realize that they are all habits that I do to make myself feel good. So think about it one minute, what makes you feel relaxed, apart from your weed?