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PJ,
I come from an Indian background, so I have some familiarity with the sort pressures that May is probably feeling. I have lots of friends and family who have been faced with this sort of issue. My experience is that basically three things can happen from this point:

1. She can be the good chinese daughter and do what her family wants.

2. She can convince her family to come to accept her choices.

3. She can break from her family, do what she wants, and be ostracized from them and her culture for the rest of her life.

I know people who have taken each of these options. Among the people I know, option 3 is hands down the worst. Family and culture are just too important to most people who have grown up in this sort of environment for them to ever be happy cut off from them. The folks I know have all come to resent their husband or wife, for whom they gave up all this -- they may know this is unfair, but can't help it. This obviously leads to unhappiness all around and is a disaster.

The folks I know who have taken option 1 are unhappy about it for a while, but eventually come to accept and live reasonably happily in their new situation.

But obviously option 2 is the best. My father managed this in marrying my mother, as did one of my cousins. Obviously this depends on a number of things outside of your or even her control -- some families are just so intolerant that there's nothing anybody can do to get them to accept this. But if May is determined and persistent enough, and you are willing to really step up, you can probably manage this.

Here obviously May is most important. She'll have to explain her feelings and why her choices can fit with the family, and will have to do so again and again in the face of a lot of arguments. She has to stay respectful and understanding of her parents' position while she does all this.

Here you can also play a big role. It will help a lot if you come from a good family. Your parents can also get involved. Basically, May will have to tell her parents about you. You will have to meet them and impress them -- both as a good person who understands the importance of family and who has good intentions for their daughter, and as someone with a bright successful future ahead of them (to support May and them in their old age). Your own family background -- especially how close you are with your extended family, your relationship with your parents and their relationship to the rest of your family, and what they do/how successful they are will also be very important. Eventually having your parents and close relatives include her parents in some of their own family functions can be the thing that closes the deal. If you come from a large and traditional Jewish family, this could be a very positive thing from their point of view.

Obviously there is no way you can do any of this if you are not extremely serious about this girl. Not to say you have to be absolutely sure you will marry her, but you better be very seriously considering it at the least.

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Great advice yad. I hope PJ takes it to heart.