[Los Feliz Slim]

pj,

A friend of mine was in a similar situation, except it was his mother that insisted he marry a M.O.T. (although no arranged marriage) and he had/has a serious case of the yellow fever. I witnessed him come up with reasons why the love of his life wasn't going to work long-term so he wouldn't have to deal with telling his mother.

It's going to take an enormous amount of strength on her part to escape the gravitational pull of her domineering mother, whether or not she escapes the marriage. People like her mother rarely, if ever, are able to step back and say "I just want my child to be happy", so I don't think that anyone reasoning with her mother is going to help. So, she's going to at least need to be prepared to make a clean break from her family for things to work between you two, something that few people are prepared to do. Even if she is strong enough to do it, the psychological damage is likely to be lasting.

My first thought was the picture of Forrest Gump running. But if you love this girl, abandoning her because her family is [censored] sucks for everybody (as the husband of a wife with a royally [censored] family I have some experience here).

Here's what I would do (assuming you really DO love her and are prepared to make some sacrifices to make it work and are strong enough to do so): tell her you love her and that you want her to be happy. Tell her you wish there was some middle ground, but you don't think there is, and that she needs to make a choice so that you two can move forward (or not). If she wants to go for it, she should really consider seeing a therapist to help her work out the issues that are bound to arise. Then, somebody gets to tell her mother that the marriage ain't happening, and the ride begins.

To reiterate, be absolutely sure you are up for what could literally be a lifetime of occasional grief, and that's if everything works out! This family situation is just one of the factors in considering whether you want to spend your life with this woman, and if dealing with this crap fits in, then you're good to go. In my case, I love my wife enough that having to deal with her family isn't too much to overwhelm my desire to be with her. Your call, bro!