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Except that if you are in the majority that don't want a state and you cripple the state by building your own police and defense force to counter their force, you've just become an oppressive majority without bothering to count the votes.

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How so? Hiring private defense is not the same thing as a coervice monopoly. It's the difference between defense and offense. When I get a gun for the purpose of self-defense, I'm not de facto coercing other people.

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You are arguing from the position of an anarchist, though. You are saying that "it is ethical for me and my friends to defend myself from the state with force, so that makes it non-coercive" but what I am saying is that you need to consider that the moral code of the minority may disagree that the state is an evil entity. In that case, you are really just living your moral code through force as opposed to the statists living their moral code through force.

Imposing your morality on someone counts as coercion, too. If they don't agree with your morality and you say "tough, I've got the most guns" that's coercion even if you think it's morally justified.