admittedly this is quite long, but most of it is mspaint, so that makes up for it...
anyway, about a week ago i got ip banned, and with no 2+2 to browse while online pokering i decided not to play online, and instead focused my attention on school, god of war II and drinking. i woke up at 7 on friday morning for some reason and played GOW2. i got tired of it after a while, and grabbed 2k to play some live 5/10 NL. many of you don't know what i look like, i should probably share this...behold:
this is a picture of me on a bridge on a family vacation:
anyway, i was minding my own business playing at the table when all of the sudden i heard this inhuman growl, and this hideously large old woman enters. she was holding a crutch and wearing those "blind old people" glasses that most blind old people tend to wear. her nipples were poking through the shirt and looked horrifying; they were oblong and discolored. but since descriptions can only get you so far, here's a pic of what she looked like:
she also left a trail of goo past where she walked. many postulated as to what it could be, but i knew the truth: menstraul fluid.
she was very loud and negative to all players during her play. makes sense really. then action folded to me on the button as i looked at JJ. i raised to 35. sb folds, she calls in the bb.
Flop: TT4, with 2 clubs. i bet 60, she calls.
Turn: 2h. i bet 100, she raises to 200, i re-raise to 400, she calls
river: Qc. i check, she checks. I flip JJ, she flips QJo for the win.
she babbled about how although she misread me, she must have done something right cuz she was raking the chips. i wanted to crush her. she immediately after the hand gets up to take a dinner break.
now i can only imagine what a dinner with God's Mistake must be like, but i envision it would be something like this:
she came back and i sat at the table with about 1500. once again i was on the button and action folded to me. i have AKo, i again raise to 35, sb folds and she calls.
Flop: A65. all hearts. i have the Kh. i lead for 70. she calls
turn: Ad. i lead for 200. she calls.
river: Ks. i shrewdly check. she bets 500. i tank, then shove. she calls immediately and gleefully shows her 6s full. i jump in the air and throw my cards up, they land on the table in front of me as i yell out "YOU LOSE! ACES FULL!"
she growled again angrily and demanded to know how i could play like that. i told her "now we're even." she had no idea what i was talking about.
"do you even know who i am?!"
"the long lost daughter of jabba the hut?"
she then demanded a table change.
she then came after me...big mistake...it ended badly
very badly.
but seriously, she moved to table 5.
final results:
5 hours
+$1,320
+846 experience points