Update
So I got woken up again today an hour later than normal by my little pecker. He pecked once, then stopped. No carcass left for me. However, I did find a beer can in the corner of the back yard. Standard. I started to do a slow and careful scan of all visible neighboring property in the line of fire, then remembered the cardinal rule - deny, deny, deny - and hightailed it back into the house.
If the little guy got laid, then problem solved for this year, and I move from contacting gansta to pimp playa, oscillatin' from the G to the P, Snoop Dog yo, etc., flash gang sign, etc.
I'm thinking of pardoning the guy. But Chad's not answering his phone. I may not be able to call off the hit. If Chad doesn't answer, I will need woodpecker recipes, preferably grilled. If Chad answers, I'll price out biologic warfare via capturing a badger.
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