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Old 05-02-2007, 09:43 AM
Rushmore Rushmore is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Charm City
Posts: 4,462
Default Re: Please respond: a short fiction piece

There have been a lot of useful suggestions in this thread thus far, so rather than rehash the "Chinese food," "John Deere," and deafness issues, I'd like to point out something new:

Until the very final words of the first paragraph, we cannot be sure of the setting. It is impossible to know if they got delivery food (and are at home), or if they are at the restaurant. Actually, the fact that they have permitted their infant child to play on the floor might imply that they are at home. It is not until "...entire room to hear" that we are certain they are in a restaurant.

Just add a phrase to the first sentence, i.e. "Thanking the waiter as he paid the check..." or something to this effect.

There can be no ambiguity, as most folks don't have waiters in their homes.
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