[slothinator]

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My wife has this addiction. Her eyes roll back in her head; I can't compete with the Q-tips.

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No, not competition, but synergy! Tell her you've got a double-penetration offer she can't refuse - the Q-tip in the ear, and, well, you can do whatever you want for the other penetration...

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I've made the offer; she has refused. But I'm not giving up. I think this has the potential to blow her mind, assuming she doesn't puncture her ear drum during climax.