[miami32]

Over the past 3 1/2 years I've made my living via poker. I've always prided myself on not tilting, staying focused, and just being determined to win. I've been a consistent winner over that time.

Ever since this August after arriving home from the WSOP I haven't been able to play well. What's most odd is going into the WSOP I think I was playing my best. I recently won a tournament before the trip. I was crushing the 109s on party. I was really confident. I did very well in Vegas. I cashed in the only event I played and I did very well in the NL games I played in even though at the time I hadn't really played nl on a consistent basis. Once I left Vegas everything had begun to unravel. I no longer was able to concentrate anymore. I will play my best game for about 10 minutes and then I just lose focus and don't seem to care anymore. It's like the money doesn't seem to mean anything to me anymore. I'm self destructive and I'm almost 100% sure I'm depressed. I also feel like I can't commit myself to anything right now. I constantly makes plans to turn things around and then I don't do it or follow through. I know I'm clearly able to win and even dominate the games I play, yet it seems like I just don't care or try my best. Almost like I enjoy the misery now of losing and inevitbly going broke.

I'm trying to go over things I can do to improve. I've came up with going to the gym and starting a diet. But I do that for a week and then quit. I need someone to basiclly call me once a day and yell at me to get off my ass. I'm literally willing to give out my phone number to do this. I sometimes tell my friends to do this, but they don't seem to follow through with it. I'm also considering taking adderal. I don't want to get therapy, although I feel like I'm running out of hope. I'm not near sucidal, but I hate my life right now. I hate not being able to win. I feel like a total loser in every aspect of my life right now. I wanted to post this under a differnt name, but I'm hoping some of my friends will see this and try and help me. I feel like I tell people what is wrong with me but no one listens.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, maybe suggestions or some encouragement.

Miami32