[mbillie1]

[ QUOTE ]
ONE TIME I HAD TO POO IN A SEMI PUBLIC SPOT DUE TO BEING VERY ILL/TACO BELL AND I PULLED DOWN MY SHORTS AND LET THE POO GO. I WAS DRUNK AND HIGH THOUGH SO I DONT REALIZE THAT I WAS ALSO PEEING. HERE'S THE THING THOUGH I WAS PEEING INTO MY SHORTS...ONLY MY BUTT WAS EXPOSED. THEREFORE. THE POO FELL ON THE GROUND BUT THE PEE JUST WENT IN MY SHORTS AND SOAKED UP. TAKE FROM THIS WHAT YOU WILL.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a kind of interesting point... this thread, by the way, is amazing. I seem to vaguely recall learning on the Discovery Channel or something that poop doesn't have identifiable DNA, but I may just be pulling that out of my ass. I think the animal theory is highly unlikely. With respect to the "no pee so no drunk human" theory, a few thoughts:

1) could the overwhelmingly bad smell of the dookie have masked relatively tame, watered down smell of urine?

2) did anyone witness Mike leave, if so were there pee stains anywhere on his person?

3) have you thoroughly searched your garbages (indoor and outdoor), kitchen garbage, under the couch, etc for any evidence of a wiping implement? It wouldn't be too surprising if Mike had wiped on a magazine or something, wrapped it up in a grocery store bag and tossed it in a dumpster, kitchen garbage, etc.

A fresh, stinky log would be an unpleasant thing to deliberately move. Although it is possible that it was dropped elsewhere and relocated to your carpet, this would require much more of a motive than a relatively innocent drunken crap on the floor. Do any of your roommates harbor secret hatred towards Mike? This would really be the perfect way for a disgruntled roommate to frame Mike for an unforgivable act, but that again would suggest a strong motive.

Keep us informed as this progresses... I cannot tell you how much this thread has made my day. This is among the funniest things I've ever read.