You need to read "Summerhill" by A.S. Neill as soon as possible.
Summerhill is/was a "free school" in England for children. The basic idea is that you should not be punishing, nor rewarding, nor forcing your children to share, nor forcing them to do pretty much anything assuming they will not be in danger. This includes going to school and drinking milk.
Obviously the anti-traditional school part will be a big problem for most of us since most of us are not able to homeschool, and even if we could, children need (?) to socialize. But just employing these parenting principles in your home should be enough to lessen the harm that regular school does.
Note that this has nothing to do with letting your children walk over you. You can tell them not to track mud on the kitchen floor, but they can tell you to stop playing with their toys or to get out of their room, and you have to listen. Equal rights.
Your description of your current social skills makes me think of "children should be seen and not heard". If as a child you were brought up to only speak when spoken to and to keep it short, it should be obvious what effect that would have on you as an adult.
The biggest positive thing about children raised as "Summerhill" kids is that they are supremely confident. They have no insecurities about authority figures and no social awkwardness. Supposedly when they go on job interviews as adults, the interviewers remark that they have never seen such a confident interviewee.
This is an updated version of the book, not the one I read, but I'd imagine it's as good or better:
http://www.amazon.com/Summerhill-School-...6542&sr=8-1
It's possibly the most important book I've read, whether I ever have kids or not.