Re: What will make you happy?
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Here's some food for thought: I realize now that when I was under 25, I often confused having fun with happiness.
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Agreed. Now that I'm 25, I try to have fun to mask
I don't really know what will make me happy, but in my experience, love is the only thing that really matters-- and yes, real love with the right woman for me is the ideal goal. But I haven't found her yet, and the ones I've invested in have turned out to be more pain and heartache than they were worth. Even the good moments don't drown that out. So I keep looking, despite the frustration and the continual feeling that I'm not that good at the chase, that I'll sabotage myself along the way.
My job is lonely, but I've met good people through it, and it's usually fun and makes me a ridiculous amount of money, especially comparable to anything else I could be doing right now. So I'm grateful for that. At the same time, I fear I'm not doing enough with the outside world, and my social skills and ability to meet people, as well as my outside interests, are eroding as a result.
Of course, complicated with the fall I had a year ago means for me, not only have I yet to truly regain my old strength and health and zest for life, but that I may never really feel like myself again. It's hard to be happy with lingering memories of original bones, teeth, and a face that fit together properly. Hard to meet new people with that layer of self-consciousness about it and the doubts that accompany it.
I live fine, and I'm pretty comfortable, but I don't think I'm happy, yet. Is there any such thing as a permanent happiness, though? Or is it only something that comes fleeting, in moments?
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