[Borodog]

My former father-in-law related to me this story. He was in the 82nd Airborne . . . Band (he blew a wailing trumpet, man), stationed in Fayetteville, North Carolina in the 70s.

One night he and some comrades, including some Green Berets they knew went to the local County Fair. Most carried bottles or flasks, so there was much courage in attendence (not that the Green Berets or the 82nd Airborne Band were lacking in courage).

One of the things that was at the fair was a big caged ring, in which was an old chimp that chain smoked cigarettes (I [censored] you not). The bit was that you paid $3, and if you could stay in the ring with the chimp for a minute, you won $300. In the 1970s, $300 was quite a bit of money, especially to a serviceman.

They all tried it, including the Green Berets. The chimp kicked their asses, one by one, and never even got excited.

They were warned not to go for his eyes, because if they got him upset, he could literally tear your arms off.

My former father-in-law said that afterward it was the most frightening thing he'd ever done, and that the chimp felt like it was made of steel bands and covered with fur.

After kicking the last guy's ass, the biggest, baddest, and quickest of the Green Berets, the chimp went back to smoking cigarettes.

Anyone arguing against David's assertion that the chimp is the dead nuts, has no idea what they're talking about.