[GMan42]

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All local news sucks. I didn't know anybody still watched it.

"Tonight at 11: What's in your drinking water? You'll be shocked at what we found! Could this sexual predator be living in your neighborhood? A house burns down, killing eleven children--could this happen to your home?..."

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I love these. Opie & Anthony do a bit where they have listeners send in the "scary" news-teases from their local affiliates...so far, their hall of fame is:
"One city wants to put all its registered sex offenders in one 3-block radius. Could it be next to your house?"...and my favorite, the wonderfully attention grabbing "Could hiccups be a sign of cancer? Stay tuned."