There comes a time in a man’s life that he reaches a crossroads. He instinctively feels that the next decision he makes will be crucial, life-changing. Caesar crossing the Rubicon, Washington at Valley Forge, these are examples of hard men making hard choices.
Of course, you’re a putz, so you just stand in front of the clothing store for 72 hours, holding a black-miniskirt.
Unfortunately for you, this allows your arch-nemesis to track you down. You knew you were on borrowed time the minute you decided to steal those ketchup packs, but you just never thought the bill collector would come to take his due. The collector’s name? Andy:
This face has been haunting your nightmares ever since the night of the ketchup-pack heist; as you see him barrel through the revolving lobby doors, his blazing, developmentally-challenged eyes immediately focusing on you, you wonder if this is your nightmare writ large.
You turn to dash back towards the casino, but your way is blocked by the hooded man and the attractive bartender, screaming about their $5.
Desperate now, you decide to dive back into the clothing store, but an extraordinarly pissed off Heidi Klum is standing at the entrance, screaming “Those beautiful words you said to me, you stole those lines from FUTURAMA! And to think I awoke magically after 3,000 years for YOU!”, as she hurls a cassette at you.
As the consequences of the past few days close in on you from all sides, you bend to pick up the cassette that had fallen at your feet: Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”. You can’t help but let out an ironic chuckle, as you realize that you are about to be stopped, now.
THE END