[J.A.Sucker]

So me and a couple of my co-workers hit the Pho joint close to where we worked and things were tasty as usual. I had the Pho with all the random stuff minus the tripe, 'cause I'm not so much into entrails, and I was quite satiated. My boss, who's a great guy, then gets the brilliant idea to get a durian smoothie for whatever reason.

Long story short, we all passed around the smoothie and took a hit, like a bong at R.J.'s Santa Cruz pad, and this thing was something else. For those who have not tried Durian, let me explain the experience:

Lifting smoothie to mouth: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH GAWD! This thing smells worse than a Phoenix Taco Shack's dumpster in the middle of August. Then again, people eat this sh!t, so there must be a reason. Go for it, pussy!

First taste: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAWD!!! This thing is even worse than the smell. Why is this happening to me? -- Aside from tongue --- What did I do to you to deserve this???

15 seconds after taste: Hmmm, this is pretty fragrant and nice. Kind of like a mango, but more "mango-ey." Not too bad at all.

30 seconds after taste: There's a lot going on here, though I'm not sure I like all of it. Some good things (sweet, complex), but that rotting stank of death is back, loitering in the roof of my mouth and lower sinuses like a Market Street panhandler. Please go away Panhandler Taste!

5 minutes after taste: OK, that was kind of strange, but things are returning to normal.

10 minutes after taste (belch #1): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAWD! That one kind of snuck up on me and somebody dropped a bomb. Jesus that is horrible. No more delicate taste, just the rotting trash. REVENGE OF THE PANHANDLER TASTE!

This pretty much has continued at almost exact 10 minute intervals for the past hour, and I'm getting a little tired of it. In all, I'm glad I tried the durian smoothie, but I do not think I will have a repeat visit, other than the belches that will surely remain with me all afternoon, if not longer.

Damn you, durian! Damn you indeed.

Postscript: The new Crimson Challenge: EATING TWO WHOLE DURIANS, no water, no other help. I can't imagine that world of pain, but I'd pay to see it.