How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

So my friend mentioned yesterday that her little sister recently told her that she had originally discovered she was adopted by reading my friend's diaries. I asked how old she was when that happened and she said 4th or 5th grade (she's now 18). To me that seemed like a traumatically old age to learn both that you are adopted and that your older brother and sister weren't. I imagine if I was the parent of an adopted kid I'd break it to them around 5 or 6. What do you guys think?

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

I figure a poll would be worthwhile

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

I would remind them of it every day.....

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

I dont think you could peg an age....I would look more at there personal maturity level....

....better questions How would you tell em?

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I dont think you could peg an age....I would look more at there personal maturity level....

....better questions How would you tell em?

[/ QUOTE ]

Well in regards to the maturity level, I thought it would be best to break it to them while still at a lower level of maturity, so I could keep it simple and have an easier time reinforcing that I'm still their parent, it changes nothing, that I still love them more than anything, etc...

At that age I think it would be easier for them to take it in stride, whereas by the time you reach 9 or 10 I think learning something like that could make one question everything they've ever been taught to believe in. In that regard I would think if they made it past 8 years not knowing, it might be better to wait until their late teens or adulthood.

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

I think the answer is either before kindergarten or before college. My neighbors adopted a little girl from Russia and she (at the age of 8) is proud of her Russian heritage.

They did a very nice job with it, but I can see that if you adopted a child shortly after birth then waiting until early adulthood is probably fine.

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

As soon as possible and follow it up with "...and that's why I don't really love you."

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

I'm inclined to agree with pre-kindergarten

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I dont think you could peg an age....I would look more at there personal maturity level....

....better questions How would you tell em?

[/ QUOTE ]

Well in regards to the maturity level, I thought it would be best to break it to them while still at a lower level of maturity, so I could keep it simple and have an easier time reinforcing that I'm still their parent, it changes nothing, that I still love them more than anything, etc...

At that age I think it would be easier for them to take it in stride, whereas by the time you reach 9 or 10 I think learning something like that could make one question everything they've ever been taught to believe in. In that regard I would think if they made it past 8 years not knowing, it might be better to wait until their late teens or adulthood.

[/ QUOTE ]

This sounds like pretty sound logic. I agree with you.

Re: How long to wait before telling your child they\'re adopted?
 

I'd start telling them before they even fully understand what that meant. I can't see why it would be better to give a kid a false identity before telling the truth.