Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

SO last night I'm at my brother's wedding and afterwards we all go to this hotel bar to drink more. I’m in the lobby of the hotel messing around still in my tux when I see these two chicks sitting at a table in the lobby drinking wine. So I go talk to them, they’re really hot blah blah I’m flirting with both and I cant tell which one likes me. Anyway they’re there for a veterinarian which apparent doubles as a free pussy convention because all night cute girls keep walking right up to me and saying sh-t. I wish I’d had a wingman but none of my bro’s friends are young enough to pull it off (lol oldaments).

The one I really like is kinda quieter, and seems like less of a sloot, but she’s sweet and has a thing dancer’s body and big blue eyes and kind of a ska haircut. She lives in upstate ny, but seems like the kind of chick I could date/destroy sexually. Anyway, I get the other one’s number (expert) and say brb I’m going to change. When I get back: gone. No biggie, I’ll chill and then text her in a bit. When I text she’s like O Im going to bed maybe fkkk. Then I run into the cute one I like in the lobby a second later (coincidence?) She’s like hey me and my friends are going out. Her friends are a chubby chick (not a hot one) and an insane hot Russian chick who’s giving off “I have a bf” vibes. So we go to this shi7y Bethesda club and I dance with the two cute ones. Very hot stuff, but I’m trying to resist going for anything with both of them, since that might queer the deal with the first.

After a little bit we head back to hotel. Right before she gets into the elevator I grab her by the hand and pull her outside alone and start making out with her. She’s a great kisser, but I’m stumped…(mostly cuz I’ve been drinking since 2pm)how can I get her back to her room. She’s talking about how shes tired or something…no bars are open that don’t suck hard. So I just grab her hand again and take her back up to her room talking about whatever (jokes) until we get to the door.

That’s when I make A FUCKSIJN G HUGE MISTAKE ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH PUKEWTF

I say, right before she puts a key in the door, “We can just hang out and talk or whatever.”


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Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

hahaha

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

that sucks pretty hard tbh. Sry man.

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

Hahahahahahahah. You were leading her to your hotel room with no objections and you said that? I double-checked to make sure this wasn't goofyballer but then realized he wouldn't be getting a chick back to his room in the first place.

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

at first i thought you actually hurled as she was opening her door........ that would've been pretty funny

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

YOU LOSE!

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

[ ]Relax baby, I'm just taking a piss.

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

I don't get it, GA.

What's wrong with reviving the lost art of conversation?

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

I don't get it....

So did you SIIHP?

Re: Owned: Self. Sex = 0
 

Part 2 BETTER BUT STILL TERIBLE


So I was so on tilt and swayed drunkenly downstaires then was like ok wtf did I just do so I run back upstairs but on the way there I have to piss really bad...but theres no bathroom in the hallway what do I do? SO then I see an open janitors closet...I duck in and piss all over the place...on the bags, on the cleaning supplies, just fkin willy nilly. Poor janitor, I know.

I sneak out and go bang on her door. She comes out and I start making out with her in the hallway but she wont let me inside even tho I am dead SILENT. If I was soberer I could have thought of some chatty business to get her to let her guard down, but al I can do is mumble about how cute she is. ARRGH DAMN YOU BROKEN BRAIN. I get her number and text her on the way out of the building but now it's clearly not gonna happen.

Why do I always screw up overcoming last minute girl jitters? Why do I always get the resistance? I am good at dating but not at random balla hookups. I thought I was just running bad but now I think I have leaks.

Hudge self-beat.

Then today I was talking to this cute little asain chick in a bookstore and about to get her number when this frikn douchebag that she knew came up to her and was like HAY You wanna get some food and she's like OK and just walks off without even saying goodbye. Women---> they are stupid.

I am stupider tho.

MUST BALL FAT CHICK FOR CONFIDENCE BOOST.