How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

In a couple of days time I'm visiting a very close terminally ill relative in hospital. I'm afraid of turning into a sobbing wreck in front of them as I don't want to cause anymore distress.

Does anyone have any tips for holding it together?

Re: How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

None of my immediate family(parents, brother) has died yet so if this sounds a little glib, maybe it is.

Remember that you will be joining your relative in death in just a little while.

Remember that every person has to die and that billions have done so before your relative so there is a lot of experience out there. When I die I wonder if I will feel any comradery with those who have gone before me.

Once, I thought I was going to die, not in an immediate way, and I knew one thing for sure; that I did not want to. I don't remember it that well(unfortunately) but I doubt I could've found comfort for myself with any of the above.

Re: How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

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In a couple of days time I'm visiting a very close terminally ill relative in hospital. I'm afraid of turning into a sobbing wreck in front of them as I don't want to cause anymore distress.

Does anyone have any tips for holding it together?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a hard spot but you just need to keep it together ... to do otherwise would be all about you and very selfish.

You need to stay strong and even crack a few jokes, remember and tell a couple of funny stories.

Nothing wrong with shedding a tear, they may as well, that's absolutely ok ... but a wimpering mess. Avoid that.

Honestly ... it can be hard ... this is one of those times in your life you just need to suck it up and be brave and strong. Just decide that is what you will do.

Re: How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

[ QUOTE ]
In a couple of days time I'm visiting a very close terminally ill relative in hospital. I'm afraid of turning into a sobbing wreck in front of them as I don't want to cause anymore distress.

Does anyone have any tips for holding it together?

[/ QUOTE ]

Pick a time at home(or anywhere not near the ill person) and just let stuff out. Let yourself become a sobbing mess. Accept the situation fully(though it won't be totally out of your system). This helps get it out of your system so you can then concentrate on those in the hospital that need you. Your head will probably feel much lighter allowing you to keep it together much easier.

I had to force myself to do that when I went through the death of my dad during his 15 days of hell fighting a ruptured AAA aneurysm. Another trick is to go online and learn about the condition that is affecting your relative. Basically, redirecting the energy into something productive.

b

Re: How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

[ QUOTE ]
In a couple of days time I'm visiting a very close terminally ill relative in hospital. I'm afraid of turning into a sobbing wreck in front of them as I don't want to cause anymore distress.

Does anyone have any tips for holding it together?

[/ QUOTE ]

Intense willpower.

At my father's funeral, I was sitting next to my brother and my cousin was behind me just sobbing like you couldn't believe. During a lull in the action, my brother turns to her and says "You're not helping." and we all laughed.

You HAVE to keep it together. It's not about you, it's about them and they are no doubt looking for a break from the daily grind of being sicker than [censored].

Re: How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

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I'm afraid of turning into a sobbing wreck in front of them as I don't want to cause anymore distress.


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I dont think there is anything wrong with doing this at all and I find it unlikely that such a demonstration of affection would cause additional distress.

How would you feel if you were slowly dying and no one seemed to care much?

Re: How to hold it together for an ill relative
 

keep in your mind how very important it is to stay in control, to help your relatives. I know it's hard. My best wishes, sonneti...