Two Plus Two Newer Archives - A Tale of Orgies, Sunshine, and Intoxication

Hey guys.

This is going to be a long post. Hopefully you'll enjoy it. So as I posted earlier, Nation and I went on a trip cruise on Norwegian Cruise Lines leaving out of Los Angeles on the 22nd. It was an 8 day cruise to 4 different places in the Mexican Riviera.

The schedule of the boat was like this:
Day 1: Sea
Day 2: Sea
Day 3: Acapulco
Day 4: Ixtalpa
Day 5: Puerto Vallarta
Day 6: Cabo San Lucas
Day 7: Sea
Day 8: Sea.

I'm going to go in chronological order.

Pre-Day 1

It's Tuesday morning and Nation can't sleep. He wants to leave immediately to drive from Vegas to LA. I tell him to wait a few hours and we finally stat our journey around 10 AM. Get hair cuts, I pick up my contact lenses, etc.. It sucks.

We're both exhausted because we had stayed up the previous night from stressing over ambiguities between policies listed on the cruise lines website over age. I'm 20 and Nations 22. The website stated that I needed parental consent, but it turned out to be false. That was way to much needed stress and seeing as how Nation is a life Nit, he went way overboard.

We start to drive over to LA around 2PM and hit awful traffic. Instead of pushing on and getting a hotel near the pier - we crashed at a Red Roof Inn...

That happened to be located next to a dive strip club!

Obviously we brought our stuff up to the room because we were close to L.A. and don't want any crazy people to steal our [censored]. Then we head over.

Lots of titties. There's this 40-50 year old stripper with a belly that keeps touching Nation and asking him if he wants a dance. "I don't discriminate" - Nation

We end up getting dances but realize soon enough that the [censored] place is non-nude. I drink way too much... I'm not a heavyweight so for me, this consists of like 3 pitchers.

I get a few dances and then waltz my way back to the hotel room toilet and puke my guts out.

Day 1

Yay! We made it. Nation sucks at directions so we spent like 1 hour circling the pier - going to the Long Beach Pier first.. Woops

We get onto the boat and immediately go up to the deck and start to drink. Nation is worried about me not being able to get served because I'm under 21 but the waiters are chill and just take his card.
http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0116.jpg http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0120.jpg http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0118.jpg

It starts to get dark and I get cold... so I get a sweater on and start to dance to goofy music. Part of being the man and getting all the ladies is about being jovial, happy, and drunk - all the while being eloquent.

See exhibit A and B.

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0121.jpg

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0122.jpg

We get dressed up:

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0123.jpg

Drink Way To Much:

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0126.jpg

Then.. things start to get interesting. I work my smooth magic and meet these 2 18 year olds. We will call then Chick 1 and Chick 2.

They are best friends. Both brazillian but live in Orange County. Chick 1 is short, cute face, but fat. Chick 2 I think is extremely smoking.

The problem here is isolating Chick 2 from Chick 1 and going in for the kill.

Except.. I did the opposite. I'm talking to both of them and the start to explain how in Brazillian culture, kissing is normal and not a big deal. So they beg me to prove it.. but I accidently kiss chick 1... and now she thinks I want her. Big problem - I'm not attracted to her.

Being the life luckbox I am, chick 2 gets really jealous and starts yelling at her friend.

This is Chick 2:

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0127.jpg

She grabs ME, pulls me outside the club and starts to play a little tonsil hockey. Chick 1 was actually decent at kissing.

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0129.jpg

And yes... I did take that picture myself. Pathetic.. but hey - how else are you supposed to live vicariously through me.

For some reason - I can't really close more emphasis on this later. Her little brother and friend are sleeping in the 2 beds next to hers when I walk her back to the room.
We fool around for a bit before I get the boot.

Day 2

More drinking in the day time alcoholic style. We play Basketball. I dunk a ball after about 20 tries and proceed to fall on my face.

We get absolutely plastered. While drinking on the deck, I start to squirm because I need to pee so badly.

I run all the way to the bathroom. At this point, I can barely hold it. I [censored] hate the person who invented buttons on cargo shorts because I peed all over myself.

Yes - it happens to the best of us.

At night, I decide to get wasted enough to sing karoake.

While I'm singing, a 14 year old girl yells out I WOULD TOTALLY DATE YOU IF YOU WEREN'T GAY. That's gay comment number 2 of the trip.

I forgot to mention that the stripper at the dive bar said that I was "too pretty to be straight." FU hooker pirate bitch.

I try and hook up again with this 16 year old and fail.

Day 3 - Acapulco - Senor Frogs, Titties, and Paradise

We get a 3 dollar cab ride to senor frogs, which is like 10 miles from the boat. It's empty but starts to fill up.

I order Seviche:

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0134.jpg

Looks like dog food. Also tasted similar (not that I'd know...)

Best Beer Ever

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0135.jpg

The View

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0142.jpg

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p...y/DSCN0138.jpg

I speak only a little bit of Spanish. It's about 3pm and we ask the taxi driver to take us to a place with hot ladies.

He takes us to...

A Brothel

When we finally realize WTF the place is we explain the situation and bounce.

Then we go to a seedy strip club. It's insane there. During a lap dance the girls literally grabbing your dangle. Funny stuff.

After that, it's night time. Paradise is supposedly the coolest club in Acapulco for a reason. Nice bitties, titties, and BUNGY jumping.

I'm scared of heights but I convinced myself that I would never run good again if I didn't go. We were drinking all day, so I took 2 more shots and walk up.

The bungy structure was this giant trussel of steel that vacillated and vibrated heavily in the wind. I sign up, pay $40 and sign the if you die, we have to liability form.

I board the elevator and the guard has a machine gun on him. Real reassuring. I finally get up there and the guy wraps my legs up in this towel-esque thing. The guy in front of me chickens out. I saw a 9 year old girl do it so there was no [censored] way I was leaving.

At this point, my legs are shaking uncontrollably. I stare down at the water... at the entire bay of Acapulco and ask myself if I really want to die today?

I figure - what the hell. If it's my time, whatever. Won't hurt that bad.. BOOM!

I jump like a swan dive style and free fall. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

We get wasted and head back to the cabin.

Part 2 tommorow probably which includes all the good stuff like the poker tournament, the orgy, falling for an underage girl and more