Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

We have been friends for over 20 years. He was the best man at my marriage. We are tight, almost like brothers. We talk openly about everything.

Long story short is he took a good job in DC. He is moving from Detroit. Things have gone very bad for him in the last 2 years. His business he opened failed, and he is in very high debt. As a consequence he is also a bit depressed. He just has not been the same lately. But I try to take him out to restaurants, bars and casinos just to cheer him up. Many times I also pay for dinner/drinks. No biggie, thats what friends are for.

Well he is moving next week. He is getting a U-haul and also towing his car on the back of the truck. We both live in Detroit suburbs. He does have alot of stuff to move. He asked me to help him move. He knows that I love driving around the country. We took alot of road trips when we were younger. I will also mention about 5-6 years ago I helped him move back from college (Atlanta). I took a flight to the ATL and we drove a U-haul back then. He never paid for my flight there or anything. But we had fun. I just let it slide.

So I told my wife about this possible trip. She was cool with it but she said make sure he pays for my flight back. I never really cared about it, but she is right. So today he calls me while im at work and asks me if I can go? I say sure but you have to book my flight for me. He quickly respond "what do you mean? You cant book it yourself?". Im like dude if im gonna help you move the least you can do is book and pay for my flight. He says ok, but hes broke right now and he won't be able to pay me back for a few months. Im like "wtf, you can't fork over a couple hundred dollars?". He says I know his situation etc...

So, ok. Then I ask him when he can pay me back, I want a date. He says something to the effect " wow, you really are cheap (censored), you are sweating me for a flight?". I just lost it on the phone and said "(censored) you then Do you realize how much I have done for you over the years? I have helped you move before, i have paid for numerous dinners, tickets to ball games". I really lost it and then said eff you and hung up.

Im still pissed off. This just happened a few minutes ago. I can't believe he has the nerve to call me a cheap fuc, when im the one taking a day off of work and doing manual labor for him.

I also want to add he has rarely ever treated me to a dinner or anything else of value. I have spent freely on him like a big brother would his smaller brother. He knows that poker has been very good to me. But still. Somethings are about respect and honor. Is it worth losing a best friend over this? Im sure he is going to call me back later and say, so are you coming or going. We both are not overly sensitive. But this has me ticked off for real.

Sorry for the bad grammer, but what do you guys think?

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

LOL predicAMENTS

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

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Is it worth losing a best friend over this?

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of course not!


Give it some time, then call him back and work it out. If he cant pay for your flight and you arent going unless he does, then just dont go. There is also nothing wrong with going even if you pay for it. I flew cross country to help my friend move, and I paid for it, and didnt care, because I wanted to help her. Which i think is the big thing when you do things for someone else like you have done. Like pay for dinners and all that stuff, if you are going to do it, you have to do it because you want to and you are able to, you can never use that against them in the future or keep some running total in your head of how much youve spent on them. If it starts to bother you that it doesnt swing both ways, then you simply stop buying them stuff, but anything you did in the past out of generosity stays in the past. Thats my take on it all anyway.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

I like that, you just get off the phone with him and what do you do; talk about it with your wife,na...call your brother,no,,,strait to OOT.

Anyway, as Atticus Finch says, in order to judge someone you have to stand in his shoes. He must feel horrible having to make the move back after a 2 year failure. He "might" have felt that you were rubbing it in by asking to pay for it, or that you were being a dick when obv he couldnt afford it. It wasnt like he called you up and said "lets go to the tiger playof game, what?, what do you mean I have to pay?" This was something that he needs to do. Im sure if you call an apologize, you will get one in return, remeber look where hes coming from.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is it worth losing a best friend over this?

[/ QUOTE ]

of course not!


Give it some time, then call him back and work it out. If he cant pay for your flight and you arent going unless he does, then just dont go. There is also nothing wrong with going even if you pay for it. I flew cross country to help my friend move, and I paid for it, and didnt care, because I wanted to help her. Which i think is the big thing when you do things for someone else like you have done. Like pay for dinners and all that stuff, if you are going to do it, you have to do it because you want to and you are able to, you can never use that against them in the future or keep some running total in your head of how much youve spent on them. If it starts to bother you that it doesnt swing both ways, then you simply stop buying them stuff, but anything you did in the past out of generosity stays in the past. Thats my take on it all anyway.

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Good points. I actually feel pretty stupid about bring up all the stuff I have done for him. Thats not cool. It's just it would be nice for him to be like oh listen, heres your flight tickent and everything is taken care of. You know what I mean? Thats the way I operate.

If I was in his shoes and he was helping me. I would pay for all of his meals during this weekend and pay upfront for his airline ticket. But you are right. I just hate his non chalantness about everything.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

"He says ok, but hes broke right now and he won't be able to pay me back for a few months" hes broke and probaly actually cant afford it dude. I doubt hes being a cheepo. although i could see how it would seem annoying for you as you obvious want some sort of compoensation for helping your buddy move.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

Your friend is a "taker". He's quite willing to accept charity from others, but is so self-absorbed that it doesn't occur to him to return the favour later on.

I had a similar situation happen with a friend of mine a few years ago. After I told him to go [censored] himself, I never called him back...and I don't regret it to this day.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

Your a douche bag in most of your posts, so Im just going to say it is your fault.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

[ QUOTE ]
I like that, you just get off the phone with him and what do you do; talk about it with your wife,na...call your brother,no,,,strait to OOT.

Anyway, as Atticus Finch says, in order to judge someone you have to stand in his shoes. He must feel horrible having to make the move back after a 2 year failure. He "might" have felt that you were rubbing it in by asking to pay for it, or that you were being a dick when obv he couldnt afford it. It wasnt like he called you up and said "lets go to the tiger playof game, what?, what do you mean I have to pay?" This was something that he needs to do. Im sure if you call an apologize, you will get one in return, remeber look where hes coming from.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol at coming here first. OOT is the best for this kind of advice.

you are right, i guess i should put myself in his shoes. he is down and out, i know that. he is actually embarrassed that he is leaving because his business failed. he told me that. maybe i will cut him some slack.

everthing i did was based on principal though. i feel like he needs to step up and show some respect to his friend (me) who has been their for him. but, hopefully he will be their for me.

Re: Im helping my best freind and somehow I look like the bad guy...
 

Quit being a [censored] nit and help your friend douche bag. The money should be trivial to you (esp if it's from poker), but then the principle is obviously worth more than your friendship.