Issues with Parents
 

Quick backstory: Dropped out of college to play poker, did well for about 1.5 years, went busto so now I live at home and work a crappy job and try to stay sane. I'll be 22 in Feb.

Obviously I've made mistakes, a bunch of them, but this has been going on for as long as I can remember. My mom is really strict, annoying, and all she does is nag everyone in the house about things ranging from making my bed to cleaning my room to watching too much TV. She makes life miserable for my brother (14) and my dad also. She doesn't let me eat in my room, and before I had my own car she wouldn't let me borrow her car unless I had my room perfectly clean, and put at least $5 in gas in her car (shes a nit). Also my parents didn't give me money for anything, so if I wanted to go to a game or movie or whatever I had to pay 100%. But there would be times when I would go see a movie Friday night, work Sat afternoon and then try to borrow the car to go out, mom would say no, you were just out. Wtf? I just got used to not going out and doing anything fun unless there was some sort of punishment involved from my parents. Their favorite saying was, and still is, that I "always get my way."

Anyway this is getting kinda off track here, and I don't post it looking for sympathy. I'm an adult now, 21 years old, so I should try to get out on my own and support myself. I can't really complain about my parents since they let me live here rent free, for the last 3 months.

But I don't get along with my parents, at all. The few minutes per week we talk it invariably ends in an argument or them talking down to me. When I moved back in, they immediately were on me to get a job, any job. Which is understandable. But my dad got a bunch of apps, drove me around to places to fill out job apps, and I got a job within a week working at a tennis club. I told my parents up front, that in the winter it slows down, we don't work 40 hr weeks, but in the spring and summer its pretty much non stop, up to 70 hr per week of work. Also I told them at the outset, I won't be eligible for health care or paid holidays or anything until my 6 month "probation period" is up, which ends in Feb. They were ok with it. But now when I work a 5 hour day, they make a smart comment about how lazy I am or how I need a "real job."

What I'm trying to say is, I hate my parents. They bring out the worst in me, I can't have even a 5 minute conversation with either of them (not involving sports, which I can talk about with my dad usually) without it ending horribly. I'm actually afraid to talk to my dad. Not because he will physically hurt me, but because I know it will end bad with him yelling at me and threatening to kick me out (which he does at least 1x per week). I think it's a shame that I can't even get along with my own dad, and even moreso because his dad died when he was 12. He should know what it means to go without a father, and how it hurts not to have someone there. But he's just so eager to kick me out, over stupid stuff like putting an empty pizza box out on the porch or eating in my room. I really want to get along with him, but I can't, and it's really bothering me. I don't even know what my dad does for a living. How pathetic is that? And I don't really want to ask, because it will end in a horrible argument about how much my life sucks or how he is going to kick me out if I don't follow all the rules. I just think it's really messed up that he doesn't care enough to try and get along, it's not like I am a horrible person.

If I get my life together, move out and support myself, I really think I've made up my mind, I don't want to see or talk to my parents ever again. But every time I run this through my mind I feel guilty. Not really sure what to think or do, on one hand I really really want and need to get out of here. On the other I feel bad, like maybe it's something I'm doing that causes them to act this way.

Cliff's notes: Hate my parents, afraid to talk to them just because it always ends with yelling or arguing. I live with them, so it kinda sucks, but I don't know if I'm ready to go on with my life without some sort of parents.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

get out. You all are in a cycle that won't be broken until something really bad happens and forces it to a climax. Just get out NOW and get some space so things will have a chance to settle down and you all can get a different perspective on your relationship.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

Google Pathetic. Hit the "images" link. I bet you see yourself pictured there amongst the others.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

just read the cliff's notes, but do whatever you can to keep your parents in your life. You may wanna consider moving out, but don't write them off completely.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

You need to move out. You'll feel differently about your parents when you do, maybe it will take afew years.

My older brother is living at home right now and sounds EXACTLY like you. He could have written this. He complains about there not being any groceries and my mom nagging him, but he's in his mid-twenties and lives at home rent-free.

You are an adult now. You need to leave home. They are bitter that you are home, leeching off them, when you should be a man now, out on your own.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

You're 21, working part-time and living with your parents. Of course they rag on you.

Move out. Deal with parents later. Also, stop feeling entitled to borrow their car, live in their house, use their money to go to games, etc. Support yourself, you're 21.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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Google Pathetic. Hit the "images" link. I bet you see yourself pictured there amongst the others.

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Move out. Deal with parents later. Also, stop feeling entitled to borrow their car, live in their house, use their money to go to games, etc. Support yourself, you're 21.

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Re: Issues with Parents
 

wtf Mike I read the first paragraph and I'm on gigantic tilt now. Take some responsibility and stop bitching about your mom NOT GIVING YOU MONEY FOR NO GOOD REASON jesus christ. She expects gas money when you use her car OH MY LORD WHAT KIND OF UNREASONABLE DEMON SPAWN IS SHE. Oh man I kept reading anyway, you don't even pay rent!? [censored]. You're 22 stop acting like a 14 year old, your sense of entitlement is so uncalled for. You're just like my sister, bleh.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
wtf Mike I read the first paragraph and I'm on gigantic tilt now. Take some responsibility and stop bitching about your mom NOT GIVING YOU MONEY FOR NO GOOD REASON jesus christ. She expects gas money when you use her car OH MY LORD WHAT KIND OF UNREASONABLE DEMON SPAWN IS SHE. Oh man I kept reading anyway, you don't even pay rent!? [censored]. You're 22 stop acting like a 14 year old, your sense of entitlement is so uncalled for. You're just like my sister, bleh.

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I was under the impression he was talking about his teenage years (like her mom not giving him cash for movies when he was 12, and asking for gas $ when he was 16, which isn't that bad really), which is why I kind of understood.

If OP was talking about NOW that he's 21, just grow up and stop expecting your parents to support you forever. Move out FFS you're 21. It's still borderline OK'ish... I can't believe people stay with their parents untill their mid-20's...

Re: Issues with Parents
 

As for more constructive advice, once you have your [censored] together and don't live at home any more, I'm almost certain your relationship with your parents will improve over time. Don't write them off entirely the second you're out of their house. I'm guessing it will be nice to see them on holidays and talk to them once a month or whatever, once you have some space.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

Yeah that stuff happened when I was younger, my mom would make a huge deal about me taking out her car when I was 16 or 17, stuff like not letting me drive in snow or whatever with her car. I'm just living her until I get my life sorted out, this isn't some long term type thing.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

And people wonder why I got the hell out of Pittsburgh...

There's definitely a culture of staying with your parents well after you should have moved the hell out.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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But my dad got a bunch of apps, drove me around to places to fill out job apps, and I got a job within a week working at a tennis club.

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I love how you made this sound like something bad, instead of something good.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are a pathetic loser and I feel sorry for your parents. No offense intended.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

I had issues with my parents until I moved out, too. Now, I think they're pretty cool. Move out, you'll begin to like your parents more when you don't see them everyday.

And you should be paying rent.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

moving out sounds like ur best option. also, how is it possible that u dont know what ur dad does for a living? i find that unfathomable. unless, of course, u do know and rather not say (mob hitman, male stripper, garbage man, etc).

Re: Issues with Parents
 

If I were your parents I'd kick you out of the house so fast your head would spin. You are owed NOTHING! You are a pathetic waste of goo. Sucks to be you, Loser!

BB

Re: Issues with Parents
 

*Dids*

has anyone suggested that he move out??

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
If I were your parents I'd kick you out of the house so fast your head would spin. You are owed NOTHING! You are a pathetic waste of goo. Sucks to be you, Loser!

BB

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HAAHAHAHAHAHA

Re: Issues with Parents
 

Ready for some serious advice? Go out and get a second job, try any of the McDonalds, Burger Kings, or Taco Bells within a mile of your house and tell them your willing to close. This solves a couple of problems for you and they usually pay more for closers. And it will keep you out of the house in the evenings, when I would assume your parents are home. Keep you other job, even if it means you work 7 days a week and 70 hours a week (remember, your desprate). Also when you move out, move to a college town and try to rent just a room in a house (or rent just a room anywhere).

Your parents sound a bit out there. My friends parents were like this, always nagging on him, telling he couldn't go out (even when he was an adult in college), and just all the BS that it sounds like you are going through. When he did move out things didn't get any better for him or his brother. As of now, his parents are lonely bitter old people who drove everybody away. Hopefully this doesn't happen in your case.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
If I were your parents I'd kick you out of the house so fast your head would spin. You are owed NOTHING! You are a pathetic waste of goo. Sucks to be you, Loser!

BB

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That's funny, all the while I was growing up I thought, "It wasn't my choice to be born, my parents decided to have me. Some kids are [censored] ups, and that's a chance they were apparently willing to take for the sake of their 'love'. I'll mooch if I damn well please!"

Of course, as I got older, this attitude changed, mostly because I wanted to buy nice things, which mooching doesn't lend itself well to.

To the OP, are your parents extremely rich or poor? Or middle class?

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
As for more constructive advice, once you have your [censored] together and don't live at home any more, I'm almost certain your relationship with your parents will improve over time. Don't write them off entirely the second you're out of their house. I'm guessing it will be nice to see them on holidays and talk to them once a month or whatever, once you have some space.

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Good advice.

OP, I've been on both sides of this. I went through it with my folks when I was 19, and I am now 47 and my son is 23, so I went through it with him..

Here are some things to think about.

1. Your parents probably think they are trying to instil some values and responsibility into you, but you see them as going over the top. That's fine, if we heard their side of the story they'd probably say they only nag you cause you don't listen, your lazy, don't appreciate things, etc.

The point is you are both right and both wrong and it really doesn't matter. Every poster who said it's time for your to grow up and move out is right. That may not mean you are immature, but if you move out on your own (or share an apartment with your buddies), your attitude about bills, expenses, totally taking care of yourself will change.

Staying at home will do nothing but further compound the relationship with your parents.

2. As other posters said, don't write your parents off. They are trying to do what's best. Keep in contact and slowly the relationship will change. It may not be on the timeframe that you or they like, but it will work out.

Eventually you will see that they were 80% right, and you will write the other 20% off as them trying, or just their quirky characteristics.

At any rate, it's time to move out.

PS. My son and I didn't agree on anything bwteen his ages of 17 to 20, and now we are fine, better than I could ever imagined. In short, he grew up, and on my side, I realized I could have handled a few things differently.

It will come around for you and your old man. Be patient.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

You owe it to the forum to find out what the hell your dad does for a living.

After you get that out of the way, how about joining the military? Teach your parents a lesson by getting sent to Iraq or Afghanistan.

They will wish they had treated you better when they get word of your death or dismemberment. Plus you will enjoy the status of hero and victim.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
You owe it to the forum to find out what the hell your dad does for a living.

After you get that out of the way, how about joining the military? Teach your parents a lesson by getting sent to Iraq or Afghanistan.

They will wish they had treated you better when they get word of your death or dismemberment. Plus you will enjoy the status of hero and victim.

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OP,

Is this you?

http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/3...8305webmm0.jpg

Re: Issues with Parents
 

If you were working 70hr weeks, living rent free (some food free?) how have you not saved up at least 10k to move halfway across the country and start over?

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
If I were your parents I'd kick you out of the house so fast your head would spin. You are owed NOTHING! You are a pathetic waste of goo. Sucks to be you, Loser!

BB

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LOL

Re: Issues with Parents
 

You're lazy, and in a similar situation to me.

Stop bitching and take control of your life. Your parents don't consider poker a job, so don't try to convince them. Just keep working, put money away, and save up enough to move out and give yourself an opportunity to become independent.

If it doesn't work, so be it, I'm sure they'll let you back. But please stop bitching about your parents not supporting your slovenly attitude

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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If I get my life together, move out and support myself, I really think I've made up my mind, I don't want to see or talk to my parents ever again. But every time I run this through my mind I feel guilty.

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That's because you're [censored] wrong. You sound like you're sixteen. Guess what? Most parents don't want their 22 year old "adult" kids living in their home. Based on your OP, I don't think you're capable of empathy in this situation, but you really need to try to see this from your parent's point of view.

[censored] grow up.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

You need to get your feelings across to your parents. They won't like it, but it has to be done.

Extremely serious advice: print out what you wrote down, put a note on it explaining that you wrote it to some friends. Give it to your parents to read. That way you can have your full say without them having the chance to interrupt you.

Second, giving them the note won't make things 'happier'. Plan on moving out and living on your own. You're 22, it's time to do that anyway. Your life needs to be seperate from your parents. You have a job now, get an apartment and go from there. Welcome to life.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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If I get my life together, move out and support myself, I really think I've made up my mind, I don't want to see or talk to my parents ever again.

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It's unfortunate that you feel that way. Hopefully you will change your mind about that someday. For what it's worth, I have found in my adult years that I get along much better with my parents when I'm not living with them. Having a buffer zone, independence, and freedom take some of the strain off the relationship in my opinion.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

OP, go back to college and get a real job.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

[ QUOTE ]
And people wonder why I got the hell out of Pittsburgh...

There's definitely a culture of staying with your parents well after you should have moved the hell out.

[/ QUOTE ] Unless something has changed in the past year, Pittsburgh has one of the lowest costs of living of major US cities, so you don't have much of an excuse for not moving out.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

To everyone calling me pathetic, loser, etc.: You're probably right, I come off as pathetic in this thread, and I have been for the past few years. Being broke and not in school I have no one to blame but myself. I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE ELSE FOR MY SITUATION.

However, that wasn't really the point of this thread. I should have worded it differently. By next year, probably the late spring/early summer at the latest, I will be moved out and on my own and working and supporting myself. I just wanted advice about what to do after that happens, when I get the feeling that I don't ever want to see or talk to my parents ever again.

Basically I hate my parents, and have felt this way since I was about 15. This really doesn't have a lot to do with getting out on my own, which I plan on doing as soon as I can.

I can see where you call me pathetic and a loser and yeah it probably is true, but I'm working to change it. Maybe I needed to post this and hear it from other people to help spur change.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

op,

how do you go about getting laid these days?

Re: Issues with Parents
 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/3...3_kevin300.jpg

Sounds like me when I was 18 [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Seriously though move out as soon as you can...

Re: Issues with Parents
 

When the time comes that you can afford it, you should probably talk to a therapist. He or she will help put things in perspective for you. Parent issues can really mess you up, and their negative influence can lead to a lifetime of self-defeating behavior.

If indeed your mom and dad really dropped the ball, you should seek the appropriate help so as to avoid living a life that you don't like, simply to gain their approval. Also, you shouldn't have to harbor guilt when do you seek your own path.

The teen and early twenty years are obviously strained between kids and their folks, but just because they are your parents doesn't necessarily make them right. And just because somebody else's dad smacked the [censored] out of them when they were young, it is not OK that your parents shirked their duties.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

personal freedom... join the board and post your questions/feelings there...

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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Google Pathetic. Hit the "images" link. I bet you see yourself pictured there amongst the others.

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Wow, you are such a [censored] smug [censored]. Good luck OP, I'm sorry about the issues with your folks. I imagine getting some much needed space will be good for all of you. Please kick the [censored] out of this guy if you see him.

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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If I were your parents I'd kick you out of the house so fast your head would spin. You are owed NOTHING! You are a pathetic waste of goo. Sucks to be you, Loser!

BB

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Amazing how many people are complete [censored], unless this is some sort of level. Aren't you the guy who weighed over 460 pounds despite his massive willpower?

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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Amazing how many people are complete [censored], unless this is some sort of level. Aren't you the guy who weighed over 460 pounds despite his massive willpower?

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Uh, no.

I had a very hard time with my dad growing up. So at the age of 19 I moved out of the house and supported myself 100%, paid my own way thru college by working full time and going to night school, got my own jobs (I never needed daddy to drive me around), and never looked back. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished on my own. Any adult that needs mommy & daddy to pay their bills had better do what mommy & daddy want without complaining. OP is a pathetic loser who has blown tremendous opportunities and tries to blame his parents. He needs to grow up and move out NOW, learn to feed himself instead of sucking on the parent's milk. I have no sympathy for whining losers who can't support themselves.

My kids know that they were born naked, and everything they've gotten since then is mine, and if they don't want to do it my way then they can sure as hell leave and support themselves. Builds character. So far the kids are doing great and are quite successful in life and everybody who knows us says my wife and I are great parents. OP's parents shouldn't nag anymore, they should just kick him out and cut him off completely.. once OP quit college, they should have never let him move back home. After OP learns how to walk on his own then he'll appreciate what he had and maybe learn that his parents were right.

BB

Re: Issues with Parents
 

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Move out, you'll begin to like your parents more when you don't see them everyday.

And you should be paying rent.

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QFT