Two Plus Two Newer Archives

Sorry for the fake account - reason should be obv.

So here's the story.

I've been with my GF for about a year and a half now. She's 20, I'm 22. She was grown up Catholic, but lost her religion a few years ago. Nowadays she is very liberal and openminded. We have a very healthy, open relationship. Very good communication. We almost always know how the other is feeling/thinking.

During our ENTIRE relationship, we've had numerous conversations about how neither of us are ready to have kids, how we've got the whole world to see before we drop anchor, and how if we're ever in that situation there is only 1 way to handle it.

That's right folks, I've been planning ahead for this scenario for the extent of the relationship. I've made it perfectly clear from day 1 that I will not be ready to have kids until I'm 25+. She never had any problems with that, and seemed to completely agree. We would constantly make jokes about how "we're not driving a [censored] minivan" "no way we're raising a kid in this crappy town" etc etc. She has been taking her birth control every day for ~4 years. Even when we pass out drunk, she'll wake up at 4am and take it - no exceptions.

Yadda yadda yadda, the strip had a + on it, we're [censored] pregnant.

For the first week, she and I were in agreement. There is no way we could fit a child into our lives. I'm a college dropout poker player who makes -ok- money. She is finishing her first year of college, and likely wont graduate if the baby is born. We live in a crappy midwest town where if you start your family, your chances of escaping are close to 0. On top of all of that, she is about 9 weeks along, and we have both smoked/drank quite a few days during that time. Apparently this is the most sensitive developmental time for a fetus, and this could result in birth defects. There is a long long LONG list of reasons not to start the parenting process yet.

But my GF has been talking to her friends and family. All of them have lived in this [censored] town their entire lives. All of them have been pregnant at a young age. None of them graduated from college or have any type of career, or even a job that pays more than 10$/hr. None of them are ever leaving this place. ALL OF THEM ARE ENCOURAGING HER TO HAVE THIS BABY. It's like they [censored] their own lives up, and they want us to make the same mistakes so they're not the only one.

To make it even worse - every pregnancy resource center in town (and I mean EVERY one) is run by a christian organization, and they immediately hate you if you go in there asking about an abortion.

Now she wants to keep it.

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I am obviously not ready. I need to leave this town. I need a more reliable income. I need to experience so much more in the world and within myself before I'm ready to teach another human being how to live.

My GF has an amazing motherly instinct. She is in college to be a nurse. She currently has a job taking care of autistic children (8-15 years old). She would be a great mother. I could honestly see myself marrying her under the right circumstances.

If we were to have an abortion, she will undoubtedly have to deal with depression, and this will probably haunt her for a long time. There is a very good chance that she would leave me at some point afterward, because I am pretty much the only voice in her life supporting abortion. I hate feeling like I have to force her into this, but it is the only option that makes sense.

If there is no abortion, I don't know what will happen. There is a good chance she will miscarry, but I am not willing to gamble on that (Most of the women in her family miscarry their first child. She drank/smoked during the first trimester. She has had mild abdominal cramping the past few weeks) I hate to think about it, but if she still intends on having this child, I can see myself leaving her before the 9 months are even over. My worst fear is being stuck in this god damn town with all of these god damn hicks. No way in [censored] hell am I ever raising MY child in this [censored]-hole.

If this baby is born, our stay will undoubtedly be lengthened. We will end up getting closer to her white-trash family who I can't even stand to be around. (and they've been rooted in this same town for generations)

I really dont know what to do. I'm obviously not ready to be a father. I was planning selling my house and moving within a year. I was planning on proposing to her this coming Christmas.(we both wanted to have a 2+ yr engagement period before getting married)

Parenthood is a 20+ year process, and its like nobody in this [censored] town realizes that. By the time the kid(s) are grown up and gone, I'll be too god damn old to enjoy anything.

I see nothing at all wrong with waiting 3-5 years and having a child. In fact, I am the last man in my family line. I need to have a boy in the future, or my family name dies with me. Even that isn't enough to convince me to have a kid now. I could be such a better parent in a few years. I dont want to be devastated and terrified when I see the + on the strip. I dont want to worry about birth defects because we were unaware/drunk/high for the first trimester of pregnancy. I dont want to regret giving up my dreams and ambitions for the rest of my life.

Once I am prepared, I think I will be an amazing father. And if it works out that way, my GF would be an amazing mother. But right now, I dont know what to do to reach that end.

I'm not really sure of the purpose of this post. Maybe someone else has experienced the same and would like to chime in with some advice. Or maybe I just dont have anybody aside from my gf to talk to about it and need some kind of outlet to get my thoughts out.

I AM sure that the purpose of this thread is not to start an abortion debate. There is another thread for that.

Thanks for reading, and if anybody has some advice to give me, I am all ears.