Two Plus Two Newer Archives

I received a call at 2pm Tuesday from my friend Craig. Generally I don’t answer my cell phone at work, but it was a slow day. I answer the phone and hear Craig’s voice weaving in and out. “John I don’t know how to say this, but this morning the police found Scott’s body in the parking lot of a school. It appears to be self inflicted.” I get up, my body shaking and walk outside still on the phone. I don’t know what to say, Craig is sobbing, not saying anything, nor I. My stomach feels like someone punched it, hard.

I stay outside for another half an hour. Calling a few friends, my Mom. But I know I can’t stay at work. I walk into my boss’s office, trembling and tell her I need to leave, my friends dead. The car ride back to my apartment was blurry. My eyes welled up and I was shaking the entire time.

I get home and my brother says “what are you doing here.” My only reply “Scott was found dead this morning.”

Needless to say, [censored] day.

I have spent the past 2 days doing whatever I can trying to keep my mind off of what happened. I am the type of person who over analyzes and worries about things to no end. I knew this would consume me if I didn’t occupy my time. I spent some time reading, watching TV, working on some projects, playing racquetball, even posting a few times on a message boards. If I don’t do something, I think back to the last time I saw him. Did anything stand out? Why would he do this? He seemed happy. Then I also put myself in the place right before it happened. Imagining what was going through his mind, what caused all this pain, to make him do this. Then I can’t help think about the actual event and it horrifies me.

I have been trying to figure out why this could have happened.

I think about all the good times we had. The time he hit a homerun on my [censored] company softball team. Going to all those M’s games. The one time I beat him at bowling. Golfing out at Ocean Shores. Building a beermid 5 feet high. Playing poker hundreds of times. Watching Family Guy DVD’s. Going to bars and having a great time. Scott was one of the best people to hang out with. Always laughing and telling jokes. Scott and I had been friends for almost 10 years, and I had so many great memories of those years.

I really don’t know what to feel. This has never happened to someone I know. But my emotions the past two days have ranged from shock, sadness, confusion, anger, and grief.

Why people do this I will never understand.

Scott and I were friends, and now he’s dead, and that [censored] sucks.

For those of you wondering why I posted this here, Scott was a member of this community, amongst many communities, and I thought those of you who had met him, and knew how great a guy he was, would like to know.

He'll be dearly missed.