Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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I'm 33 and I used to get hit with the wooden spoon by my mom. It wouldn't be a savage beating; just a quick swat to the butt. My dad only hit me once, and he kinda lost control, so he never did it again.

I don't have kids, but I assume that I will spank them when I do have them.

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Yeah if you can delay discipline until you're not as angry it's much better. It can also be effective in that the child knows you're going to discipline them and they have to think about what you're going to do and perhaps (hopefully) think that it would be easier to follow the rules next time.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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I wasn't shocked because of the fact that parents hit their children, I was shocked because kids who I think turned out really well were hit when they were little.

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i would wager that a huge majority of baby boomers were hit by their parents. have you considered how many of them turned out really well?

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i agree.

it really wasn't that long ago when it was basically "ok" to reach across the table and smack your wife. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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he learns that he's not supposed to do that. But now he sees his younger sister do the same thing. Can you really blame him if he smacks her?

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I get what you're saying, and maybe I am wrong. LIke I said, I don't have kids - that I know of! - and I really think this is one of those things where your mindset can change drastically once your situation changes.

That being said, I think kids are smart enough to know right from wrong- that value set may have to be instilled, but once it is, they can make judgments based upon it - and they can eventually learn who the arbiters of justice are. When you're 5, your parents are judge, jury, and executioner. Your example of a brother hitting his sister isn't really applicable because normal people know they aren't in charge of discipline, their parents are.

I guess I should just say that I don't think your example of "kid makes mistake, parent disciplines, sister makes some mistake, kid punishes" is in the least accurate. You ask, "Can you blame him," and my answer is, "Yes, [censored], he's not an idiot, he's not a dog, and should recognize the various reasons that discipline is not his to administer and judgment not his to render."

When you say, "In my opinion, it is very difficult to use corporal punishment to deter kids from misbehaving without giving them the idea that it's okay to hit others who make them upset," are you saying this from the standpoint of a parent? Obviously it's anecdotal, but just as obviously there are tons of kids who both got spanked as discipline and turned out fine.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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This issue is one reason I think I will never have children.

I'm 28 and my parents beat the living hell out of me. Both my mother and my father, my father not as often but when he did it was pretty severe (cracked hip, ruptured cornea, broken rib) My mother on the other hand would torment a little and often use anything from tennis rackets to wiffle ball bats.


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Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were whipped with a belt as part of the Crimson Challenge, right?

This is really going to curtail my enjoyment of that video.

I was raised by hippies, so mostly timed out and talked to, but not hit. In part because as a kid I was big on "the rules" and never broke them. The only thing physical I an remember is my Dad slapping me when I was totally hysterical about something.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

I'm 44 with an immigrant mother who did %95 of all the physical punishment. Mostly with spoons or a rug beater, never on the face. I'm not violent at all. If any thing, a little meek. As I got older, maybe 4th or 5th grade, the corporal punishment wasn't really much of a threat. I liked to laugh at my Mom when she tried to hit me. On the other hand the loss of priveleges were a big deal. They became the only punishment by the time I was in Junior High.

My younger brother was a bit of a trouble maker and got a lot more beatings than me. Even my generally calm American Dad had to step in once in a while. Although I'm doing OK, my younger brother turned out to be hugely successful and even less violent than me.

I'm surprised that so many of you younger guys were still spanked as kids. I honestly thought that didn't really happen any more (in polite society anyway).

I never planned on having children so I can't comment on what I would do. But just from my own experience it doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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AZK,

I was never hit. Mainly just given huge guilt trips.

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And it shows, you effing dinner leech. Perhaps if your parents had swatted you a couple of times, you'd have learned to pay your fair share.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

I was spanked as a child, but only very, very rarely -- and I richly deserved each and every one. My brother, about my age, got the same. My sister, ten years younger, was not ever hit. All three of us turned out fine -- strong, healthy marriages and pretty normal relationships.

I've spanked my older daugher, almost eight, exactly once. She entirely understands that in the right (very rare) circumstances, I'd do it again. I don't think it's useful as a commonplace remedy, but I do think children absolutely need to understand that there are consequeces to crossing certain lines. Those lines should be important ones (danger or really ridiculous conduct; I spanked my daughter after she bit me) but I do think they exist.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

1) yes, i was spanked as a child. it was sometimes w/a hand, sometimes with a belt, sometimes being slapped (usually if i was mouthing off), and sometimes with the closest object that would not seriously injure me.

2) i have no kids, but if i ever do it is highly likely that i will spank them as a form of punishment.

3) i'm of the opinion that just telling a child "no" or sending them to the corner for a few minutes is generally not an effective method of punishment, but it depends on the child. my sister who is almost 16 has never been spanked and my parents would have never needed to spank her (they wouldn't now even if she did something wrong), but this was not the case with my brother and i. we were not spanked every time we stepped out of line, but the threat of being spanked was enough that the imminent threat served as an excellent deterrent. i also think that equating spanking to child abuse is lol; at the time i may have thought that may parents were trying to kill me, but i never suffered any lasting physical effects from a spanking (w/the exception of an occasional welt, which faded after a few minutes)

i'm 22 for the record and am part of a younger crowd that generally probably wasn't spanked as much. however, i think spanking is certainly a cultural issue-- i'm black and i would estimate that basically all of my black friends (and definitely all of my relatives) were spanked, whereas very few of my white friends were spanked. maybe i'm way off w/that remark but i think it's worth noting.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

i made a thread about this awhile back, it was good and enlightening, just as this one is........

1. i was spanked as a kid. actually for what a very very very good kid i was, i was punished very harshly at times as my father was strict and held me to high standards of behavior. the only thing i got in trouble for generally was some vague form of being disrespectful. i love my father and he is very mellow and cool these days and we have discussed that he was way way too hard on me growing up.

i was generally not spanked in anger, but occasionally that did happen. usually a wooden spoon until cried and it hurt.
generally knew why, but occasionally didn't think it was fair. my parents were both very loving though, if that makes sense. when the punishment was over it was over. back to loving their son, business as usual.

2. i have two sons that i will not spank. i don't think it to be needed or necessary.

3. in a sick sort of way i was glad i was raised strictly and spanked. my little bro was not. he was sick as a kid a bunch and ended up being a wild, law breaking hell raiser and a told problem for my parents simply from a lack of discipline. he is fine now though, lol, but my parents still talk about how difficult he was to raise. some of the stories are classic.

i never got in trouble, got great grades, had great friends, but was held to a very high standard of moral and respectful behavior towards older people and authority figures and i am ok with that now. cheers. J.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

I was definitely hit.

I will definitely hit my kids.

I think it is important to do this.